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Question
Posted by: ME | 2012/03/01

Child abuse

Dear Dr,
My husband and I have been married for 15 years. We have had our ups and downs but a good marriage altogether. Recently I found out that he has been accessing porn sites and actually chatting to women online, he even chatted about lack of sex with me. I was deeply hurt and started talking about divorce. In the midst of this divorce discussion he told me that he was sexually abused by a family member as a child. (from age 5 to 7) I was so shocked, Im so angry that this happened to him but Im also angry that i didnt know about it before i got married to him. I feel like I dont know the man im married to. Im still with him as I feel its unfair to leave him if he is struggling with this abuse he suffered as a child. Also because I still love him.
My question is do males who have been abused as a child by a male abuser become obsessed with sex? How will the abuse affect them as an adult?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Many people, probably men even more so, access internet porn, and a somewhat smaller proportion enjoy internet chats, which are really fantasy encounters, because of course online nobody knows that the hot red-head girl they're chatting to is actuually a bald former lorry-driver.
In itself these behaviours are not necessarily harmful, unless they come to be used as a substitute for more usual direct human and sexual encounters, rather than a supplement.
Sexual abuse of children is more common than people generally believe. Victims of it often feel ashamed, for various easons, including the way many abusers manage to persuade their victims to blame themselves. And so it isn;t something they're usually keen to talk about, even to a loved spouse.
However, it doesn't CAUSE excessive interest in internet porn or chat.
However, prior abuse, while in some cases it seems to have surprisingly little impact on individuals as they grow up, it does in some cases lead to sexual problems of various sorts, and it does them deserve proper help by seeing a psychotherapist for assessment and a discussion of potential treatment to help the person free themselves from whatever unhelpful long-term effects there may have been

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/03/01

Many people, probably men even more so, access internet porn, and a somewhat smaller proportion enjoy internet chats, which are really fantasy encounters, because of course online nobody knows that the hot red-head girl they're chatting to is actuually a bald former lorry-driver.
In itself these behaviours are not necessarily harmful, unless they come to be used as a substitute for more usual direct human and sexual encounters, rather than a supplement.
Sexual abuse of children is more common than people generally believe. Victims of it often feel ashamed, for various easons, including the way many abusers manage to persuade their victims to blame themselves. And so it isn;t something they're usually keen to talk about, even to a loved spouse.
However, it doesn't CAUSE excessive interest in internet porn or chat.
However, prior abuse, while in some cases it seems to have surprisingly little impact on individuals as they grow up, it does in some cases lead to sexual problems of various sorts, and it does them deserve proper help by seeing a psychotherapist for assessment and a discussion of potential treatment to help the person free themselves from whatever unhelpful long-term effects there may have been

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