Posted by: KOBUS WILLIAMSON | 2009-06-29


if mom and dad fights in front of 26months old son, even fists get thrown and the child witness this and shouts and is terified by this, at his age what is the concequinces of this to him. should parents just carry on and give him love, does he remember it and have flashbacks.
please advise.

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Our expert says:
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Obviously it is unfortunate for this to ever happen, but it does. Equally obviously, one wants to avoid such events --- the parents can work with a marriage counsellor to sort out the conflict, and learn better ways of dealing with problems and disagreements. And if a quarrel arises unexpectedly, at least BOTH can commit to pausing and going somewhere where the child can't hear or see hem, before squabbling. Interestingly, when you have to postpone the fight even a couple of minutes, it feels rather unnecessary to continue it once you've reached a suitable venue !
As for effect --- if this happens once or a few times, it will upswet the kid, but many things upset a kid, and we mostly survive that pretty well. If it becomes routine, and something the child sees as part of life, that sort of expectation can be unfortunate for him. You don't want him to learn that shouting and violence, verbal and.or physical are how we're supposed to deal with problems. Yes, do continue to love him --- and to show him that you still love each other.
At 26 months he is highly unliekly to remember this or anything else --- it's only later in life, perhaps 4 years or more, that we start to form reliable memories. And flashbacks are not going to happen. But obviously, for all your sakes, you want to deal with the source of this conflict with the help of an efficient counsellor.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Been there | 2009-07-01

In my humble opinion, this will eventually have an effect on the child! If the husband and wife are fighting now at age 26 months, this is not going to stop when the child is 4 years old, the fighting between the parents will continue for the rest of the time that they are together. As people we tend not to think too much about what this does to our children.

And it will show later on when the child goes into adult life.

Reply to Been there

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