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Question
Posted by: Brad | 2012-07-11

cheesing me off...kind of! :)

Hi, dunno if i''m being overly sensitive but my GF has this thing where she raises her voice at me when i, for instance, don''t look quickly enough at what she points out to me, (" look at that!" .....i don''t look immediately....." THERE!!!!" ) or when i miss a street that she previously thinks i need to turn down(" THAT ONE!!!" ) She''s even grabbed the steering wheel on occasion and tried to turn it for me!
Main thing is the ''raising'' of voice, an ''almost'' shout if you understand, It''s getting to me, irritating, cause i dont do it, to anyone,ever.
Thoughts on that please, thanks a ton. B

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Somewhat over-controlling ? TOo usd to getting her own way, and assuming she is ALWAYS right, and her ideas must be dominant and immediately so ? And grabbing a steering wheel can be dangerous and is foolish at all times, as is insisting that a driver immediately look at whatever trivial thing has caught her attention. Are there other ways in which she shows such severe lack of simpey common-sense ?
Surely you have, gracefully and calmly, drawn her attention to this annoying habit ? What does she say about it ?
An alternative to "no need to shout" I find can be helpful, is " You know I can't hear or concentrate on what you're saying, when you shout"
Hestia is right about the value of calmly raising such things immediately, rather than swallowing it till it builds into a great globe of resentment.

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5
Our users say:
Posted by: Lu | 2012-07-12

I remember when I met my husband I had the terrible habit to tap/push/smack him when he joked with me etc (he likes to make fun of me, in a nice way off course) and eventually he just had it with me doing this and got angry at me the one time. He explained to me how irritating it is and if I do it again he will do it back to me....I made a decision to complete stop this irritating habit and weve never had an issue with this agian.

Reply to Lu
Posted by: Queen | 2012-07-11

I used to do that to my husband during our early years of meeting. I didn''t see anything wrong with it. But the way he approached me regarding that issue made me stop almost immediately. He would calmly, but very seriously tell me how much he doesn''t like it when I do that. Clearly stating that he feels stupid and useless. It made me feel like a bully. I didn''t and still don''t want to hurt his feelings, so I tried to remember not to do it (even though I still snapped at times)

Reply to Queen
Posted by: Liza | 2012-07-11

A passenger grabbing the steering wheel is extremely dangerous. If she''s that aggressive about it - she should be doing the driving. Have you asked her nicely to not grab the steering wheel again and explained why? Since she obviously doesn''t realize the amount of danger. If she wants you to look at something while you''re driving, it''s just another piece of proof that she has no common sense. In which case you need to point out to her that you have to concentrate on driving first and what she wants you to look at second. If you tell her " No need to shout"  in a calm voice often enough right after doing what she wants, she''ll eventually get the message.

Good Luck
Liza

Reply to Liza
Posted by: Hestia | 2012-07-11

Hi Brad. this also upsets me. What I tend to do when my boyfriend does that is to address it immediately. I just immediately point out that he raised his voice. Normally we sort it out immediately. Guess the best is not to leave it until you blow up. And also you adress it when it is still fresh in both of your memories. Then she has time to think back and reflect.

Reply to Hestia
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012-07-11

Somewhat over-controlling ? TOo usd to getting her own way, and assuming she is ALWAYS right, and her ideas must be dominant and immediately so ? And grabbing a steering wheel can be dangerous and is foolish at all times, as is insisting that a driver immediately look at whatever trivial thing has caught her attention. Are there other ways in which she shows such severe lack of simpey common-sense ?
Surely you have, gracefully and calmly, drawn her attention to this annoying habit ? What does she say about it ?
An alternative to "no need to shout" I find can be helpful, is " You know I can't hear or concentrate on what you're saying, when you shout"
Hestia is right about the value of calmly raising such things immediately, rather than swallowing it till it builds into a great globe of resentment.

Reply to cybershrink

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