Posted by: Anonymous | 2009-08-02

Checking partner' s cellphone

Confirm my thoughts here...a friend of mines girlfriend(of 2 months) checks his cellphone messages constantly,and he is terrified of her finding a message from any woman on his phone because he doesnot want to jeopardise his relationship with her.He has a second number she doesn' t know about for his ex girlfriend,who he cannot stay away from because he is totally attracted to her still and still has feelings for, to contact him on.He says his girlfriend is " very jealous"  and made him cut contact with anyone he had had previous relationships with,even if they were just friends now.They decided they were going to get married after only knowing each other for a month...

I have told him this checking the cellphone and the idea of marrying someone he knows for a month is crazy.He of course knows better.What are the chances of a relationship like this lasting long term?They only plan to marry in 2 years time,and neither are spring chickens-they are both in their 40' s-she is 4 years older than him,

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Our expert says:
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Opinions vary as to cell-phone etiquette, and it needs to be discussed and agreed between a couple. BUT if she feel so insecure about herself as to feel she has to check on him daily or more often, the problem isnt about cell-phones, but self-esteem. And about honesty, if he is still secretly so fond of his ex and so often in contact with her. Maybe she knows what IS going on ( and in this way he is actually cheating on her emotionally at least ) and thus feels anxious more broadly. Any decision to marry made within a month is a form of premature ejaculation.
As he is dishonest with her and she is anxious --- what sort of relationship is this ?
They need either to part, or to see a relationship counsellor together, both being frank and honest in the sessions.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Anon | 2009-08-03

Your friend needs to make up his mind as to which girlfriend he wants...he needs to grow up as he sounds very immature, so does his current girlfriend...checking his cellphone for messages, how ridiculous is that...where is the trust and respect.

This relationship is doomed, let alone the marriage, it will be another divorce statistic.

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Ken | 2009-08-02

If your friend is still attracted to his ex and he even has a second number to keep their relationship a secret, that' s not fair on his current girlfriend.

Reply to Ken

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