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Question
Posted by: Shaz | 2009/03/06

CHEATING PARTNER

My fiance cheated on me in 2007. I still cannot accept that it happened and that his teenage daughter was involved in the plot. Too hide the secret relationship he told me this other woman was a friend of his daughter' s from gym. She used to come round to our house. There were tell tale signs which I ignored because he did tell me he would never hurt me or cheat on me. I keep going over an over this affair in my head and wish I had listened to that little voice in my head. I am suspicious of all women he is in contact with. My trust has been broken and I cannot trust him again. I have a very low self esteem even though friends and family tell me I can get anybody I want. I did leave him but he came crawling back to me and I took him back. I sometimes wish I never accepted him back into my life because of the pain and suffering he caused me. He emotionally abuses me and he has one last chance before I get fed up and leave. We have a daughter together (5) and I wouldn' t keep her from him but she will not be part of any other woman' s life. I cant talk to him about this because I am not very good and putting feelings into words. It is frustrating.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Presumably you do believe that it happned, but cannot consider it aceptable. It is so understandable that you regret what happened, and feel angry over being so trusting, etc --- but ruminating over these issues is not helpful for you. Of course trust was broken and you remain suspicious. Personal counsleng would be wise, to work on your own self-esteem and self-respect. If you wanted for some reason to stay with him, marriage counselling would also have been needed. But as he remains emotionally abusive, you should leave, and he would deserve no further chances to be abusive.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Sally | 2009/03/08

I feel very sorry for you but I feel more sorry for your daughter who is in the middle of this all. If you feel you cannot trust him again, get out of the relationship and work something out for the sake of your daughter who also loves her mommy and daddy. I know, I also come out of a broken home where my dad was the cheater - it is not easy for children although adults thinks that they go through it easily. I am 62 and still carry the scars of a broken home. Learn from this for you next relationships. Wait till you are married - because if a man does not want to get married but wants to sleep with you - HE' S NOT THAT INTO YOU - why would a man buy the cow if he gets the milk for free. May you find peace on what you should do.

Reply to Sally
Posted by: Sally | 2009/03/08

I feel very sorry for you but I feel more sorry for your daughter who is in the middle of this all. If you feel you cannot trust him again, get out of the relationship and work something out for the sake of your daughter who also loves her mommy and daddy. I know, I also come out of a broken home where my dad was the cheater - it is not easy for children although adults thinks that they go through it easily. I am 62 and still carry the scars of a broken home. Learn from this for you next relationships. Wait till you are married - because if a man does not want to get married but wants to sleep with you - HE' S NOT THAT INTO YOU - why would a man buy the cow if he gets the milk for free. May you find peace on what you should do.

Reply to Sally
Posted by: shaz | 2009/03/06

Yes Boo Boo - you sound like the type of person who cheats - if it has never happened to you you won' t understand. It' s not about flesh being weak and blah blah blah - it' s how you are as a person inside and I live by my morals - treat others the way you want to be treated. Doesn' t seem to be working in my case but I won' t lower my standards for anyone.

Reply to shaz
Posted by: boo boo | 2009/03/06

yip , cheating is so wrong but we are all only human the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak!

Reply to boo boo
Posted by: Anon | 2009/03/06

Shaz, I understand exactly how you feel. My husband' s teenage daughter also knew about his affair and said nothing to me and she was living in my house! Not only did I feel betrayed by him but her as well and things will never be the same again.

Reply to Anon
Posted by: R | 2009/03/06

I know how you feel because I went through the same thing. I heard something on TV and it is so true.......without trust there can be no love!!! That is the big problem for you now. staying with the person and being reminded of the cheating game every day.....that is tough, believe me. Best of luck for there is a lot of hard work ahead of you to make the relationship work!!!!

Reply to R
Posted by: ouch | 2009/03/06

Don' t have any advice for you...but i know how you feel....been trough an afair myself.....i still can' t forget about it.....everytime he says he' s just quickly going somewhere even if he says he' s going to the shops to buy milk, i think that what if he' s going for a quick quicky...

Everytime i want to trust him, i tell myself im acting the fool.....

It' s horrible.....can' t see our relationship working out....i need to leave this guy......

Reply to ouch
Posted by: What a slug | 2009/03/06

Gee girl, what on earth is going on in your head ? Please do yourself a favour and just get rid of this creep. What on earth possessed you to ever take him back after cheating ? When he came crawling you should have kicked him in the mouth. Go to Court, get maintenance and get away from him. Sis ! Just thinking about it makes my skin crawl !!

Reply to What a slug

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