Posted by: Rose | 2012-02-13

Cheating, Miscarriage Confused

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 5 years. I''ve been trying to fall pregnant but every time would get a miscarriage. I had 2 miscarriages and the worst one was when I was 7 months. I fell pregnant again towards the end of last year but unfortunately lost it again last Friday. I blame him for all these, blamed him for the first, second and even now I still blame him. On Thursday he asked me not to communicate with him until Monday. This came as a shock to me I didn’ t understand why he just said to me he is going through a spiritual cleansing which didn’ t make sense to me. He is not spiritual at all, for the past 4 plus years I’ ve been with him, he never believed in any spiritual things but suddenly could not talk to me due to his spiritual cleansing. Funny enough he kept on updating his BBM status “ Happy birthday my baby, I won’ t let anything spoil this weekend’ 

For about a month and half he started behaving weird, he wasn’ t answering my calls at night and would tell me that he was sleeping. I’ ve been complaining about not being able to get hold of him for a long time now. I asked him if he is cheating on me and he denied it several times. Thursday night was the worst time got so emotional and couldn’ t sleep until Friday morning when I started bleeding heavily. I didn’ t do anything to him even if he wanted to spend his weekend with his so called baby, why did he had to rub it on my face. I’ m so bitter, still can’ t stop my tears. I haven’ t told him about the miscarriage I feel he doesn’ t even deserve to know. Should I tell him? Confused please advice.

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Our expert says:
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Creating a pregnancy requires at least 2 people, you and him. Micarriages are sad, but you don't explain why you blame them all on him. Its unlikely to be directly his fault unless he was physically abusing you rather seriously. If he does not se how he could be responsible, its not really surprising that he got upset and might not want to talk to you. I don't know what he means by "spiritual cleansing". With a miscarriage he has lost something important to him, just as you have
Wouldnt it be wise to work on seeing if the relationship can be healed, before continuing to try for a pregnancy ? And have you seen a gynae to see why you may have been having these miscarriages, and if this can be helped ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: James | 2012-02-13

Maybe he is better off without you. While I understand the trauma of the miscarriages, how can it be his fault???? The losses are also his to bear and you should tell him of the last as well, but laying the blame on his shoulders is not right or fair.

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