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Question
Posted by: ANON | 2008/09/08

CHEATING MAN

Hi CS ,i need your advice,as much as i know how wrong it is to go through partner' s phone but on saturday i did,and i saw messages from this girl to my boyfriend,based on the communication its quite obvious that they are having an affair,there is even a message where this girl tells him she went for HIV tests ,she is negative so my boyfriend can relax,there is even one about how much this girl enjoyed the sex between them,I am so torn and dont know how to raise this to him cause not only do i want to reveal how i found this info but I am seriously contemplating leaving him,cause obviously my life is at risk here,we have a child together,i just dont know why he would do something like this ,and the most suprising thing is he spends most of his time with me,i really dont know when and where he sleeps with her!!!!!!!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

If I were to judge from the messages I get here, theres' hardly anyone in the country who doesn't go through their partner's cell-phone. Some, i self-defence, use complex passwords, etc., what puzzles me is how many keep incriminating messages etc., as trophies, despite the risk involved.
And you have run into the basic dilemma --- you discovered incriminating evidence, but can't act on it without revealing that you snooped --- AND enabling him to focus on atacking that rather than explaining himself, as he ought to. But you're right --- he has not only ignored your feelings and his duty to nhis child, but placed your life at risk. Only you can decide how to handle this, but work towards being able to remain calm when you tell him what you have discovered ( anger begets anger and loses clarity ) ; and to insist on keeping the focus on his infidelity and endangering you, as being immensely more important that your looking through his phone

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Our users say:
Posted by: SR | 2008/09/08

It may be a work colleague or someone who works in close proximity to where he works.

You have her number now so why dont you gather more information before you confront him. Its difficult I know because trying to stay calm during this when all you want to do is rip his head off.

Stay calm, dont raise suspicion. if you email me at srct_srctATyahooDOTcom I will send you a manual on how to catch your cheating lover.

Reply to SR

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