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Question
Posted by: Sam | 2011/05/12

cheating husband

My husband had an affair with another woman &  continues to secretly see her after I discovered about the affair. As a result our relationship has been completely destroyed &  I don’ t even know how we can start to work on our marriage. I have completely lost faith and trust in him and our kids have been affected by the tension in the house. Basically our lives have been changed forever and there is no hope that we will ever rebuild our family. The woman was sleeping with my husband even thought she was engaged to another man. I cannot help it but to be angry, bitter and revengeful, because she is moving on with her life as if nothing has happened, she is basically having her cake and eating it too, while my family’ s lives have been turned upside down. I am considering contacting her fiancé e and telling him about the affair, because she doesn’ t have the right to have her fun at my family’ s expense.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

If he not merely cheated, but has continued to cheat only more carefully, he is wronging you and owes you an explanation for being so unkind. Marriage counselling can only help if you both sincerely want it to help.
Now, don't be too absolutist and catastrophize -" our lives have been changed forever and there is no hope that we will ever rebuild our family" - fortunately that isn't necessary true or compulsory.
If he has been cheating on you with a woman he knew was already cheating on her fiancee, he is not going to find any happiness with such a woman, is he ? She will soon run out of cake. Someone may well tell her fiancee, who shouldn't perhaps be left to marry a cheat without due warning.

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4
Our users say:
Posted by: Cutie | 2011/05/13

Look, your marraige has been destroyed and the trust never ever comes back. Even if you guys do decide to stay together and try and work things out, the trust will never come back. The decision is your and only yours.
Yes, you should definitely contact the fiance. Not only will it take a load off you but it will also tell him what kind of rubbish he intends marrying. This may even save him a divorce in the future. It is the right thing to do.
Also, do tell lots of other people, hey why not? it is part of the heeling process for you.
Do not feel scared of the consequences, it cannot be anywhere close to what you have just experienced.
On the " up"  side, you can be very sure that the wheel will turn for both your husband and the rubbish that he slept with. That is the way things happen. Good luck with this. Please know that you can do this.

Reply to Cutie
Posted by: Mill | 2011/05/12

When my husband had an affair, I made the world very small for the two of them. I called her husband, threw my husband out, told his parents and family, his place of work, her place of work, her husband and everyone else. they will definitely think twice if ever they would like to mess someone around again. I even went so far as to go to her house, smack her with a belt and told all the neighbours LOUDLY. Do something similar, you will feel a bit better although it certainly will never repair the marriage, or trust between you, these types of men and women should be taught a lesson.
After all is said and done, dolly up, hook up with your friends, enjoy your children one hundred times more, take up a course or hobby, and mingle, mingle, mingle. Its hard, but it helps boost your shattered heart, bit by bit. Good luck

Reply to Mill
Posted by: Yes | 2011/05/12

Yes please do contact the fiancee!! Although this will not repair your broken marriage. Sikhathele abantuabafebayo!

Reply to Yes
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/05/12

If he not merely cheated, but has continued to cheat only more carefully, he is wronging you and owes you an explanation for being so unkind. Marriage counselling can only help if you both sincerely want it to help.
Now, don't be too absolutist and catastrophize -" our lives have been changed forever and there is no hope that we will ever rebuild our family" - fortunately that isn't necessary true or compulsory.
If he has been cheating on you with a woman he knew was already cheating on her fiancee, he is not going to find any happiness with such a woman, is he ? She will soon run out of cake. Someone may well tell her fiancee, who shouldn't perhaps be left to marry a cheat without due warning.

Reply to cybershrink

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