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Question
Posted by: Jam | 2011/02/14

Cheating G.F

Hi

How do I approach my girlfriend as i suspect she is cheating on me with a married man? I snooped on her fone and found messages they were exchanging to each other about their meetings and stuff...I assumed that she is happy in our relationship but after reading those messages....i dont think she is...It''s Valentinesday and i went to the shops to get her something...but I didn''t ''cause that messages came through my head . she is very defensive and I on the other hand is not very fond of approaching her...as it might lead to fights, arguments and so on...

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

As I always say, the major problem with snooping is that its hard to use whatever you discover, without revealing yourself to be a snoop, and thus giving the other person the chance to make a big fuss about that, and to try to avoid discussion of the more important issue.
If you're right about what you found ( if you're not mistaking inncent messages about genuine business meetings, for instance ) then there's no point in giving her anything for Valentine's day. And she would have a lot to be defensive about.
But if she is really cheating, either you try ( and its much harder than you think ) to ignore it and pretend it isn't happening, or you HAVE to discuss it with her, as calmly as possible, but arguments may be necessary to try to sort this out.

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: Jenny | 2011/02/14

Look snooping is not on but at the same time I''m a firm believer of not keeping things on your phone that you wouldn''t want anyone to see. Having said that, are you sure it''s not her dad, brother, cousin, etc? What makes you so sure that it''s an affair and not a platonic relationship. If you are sure, just ask her. If you are right, then she''s in the wrong and can''t get mad at you no matter what. If you''re wrong, then the most you can do is apologize and the two of you need to work on your communication

Reply to Jenny
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/02/14

As I always say, the major problem with snooping is that its hard to use whatever you discover, without revealing yourself to be a snoop, and thus giving the other person the chance to make a big fuss about that, and to try to avoid discussion of the more important issue.
If you're right about what you found ( if you're not mistaking inncent messages about genuine business meetings, for instance ) then there's no point in giving her anything for Valentine's day. And she would have a lot to be defensive about.
But if she is really cheating, either you try ( and its much harder than you think ) to ignore it and pretend it isn't happening, or you HAVE to discuss it with her, as calmly as possible, but arguments may be necessary to try to sort this out.

Reply to cybershrink

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