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Question
Posted by: Anon | 2010/11/01

Cheating

My x bf broke up with me 3 months ago but we still remained good friends. I found out that the reason he left me was because he was dating someone else whom he cheated with whilst we were dating but he denied it. Apparently the other gal has left him now because he does not allow her to come to his place and risk having me find out that his on as innocent as he claims. Now that hes available hes spending a lot of time with and we spent every night together but we don’ t kiss nor have sex as we agreed when we decided that we will remain friends. One thing that is confusing me is that when we among other people especially his friends he pretends as if we still together &  he gets jealous if I chat to other guys. I asked him why hes not telling them truth and he said because it’ s none of their business.

As a result of this whole situation I have planned a weekend away with another guy but have not told my x boyfriend about it. However I am now feeling guilty about going on with my plan with the other guy because I feel as if ill be cheating on my x boyfriend. Another part of feels that moving on is the right thing to do because he does not do anything else to me besides holding me tight every night like a teddy bear.
Plz advise me doc is it cheating?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

HE broke up with YOU, after having cheated on you with his ex, who he has now quarrelled with about him not wanting you to find out about them ( how "broken up" is that ? ) But though you have "broken up" you still live together and sleep together every night ?
He pretends to other people that you have NOT broken up ( and though he claims its none of the business of others, he carefully fakes it because he bothers so much what they think ) ; and he gets jealous and tries to limit your freedom to chat to other guys ? And now you plan to spend a weekend away with some other guy, between the nightly cuddling with your "ex" ?
This seems a totally unnecessarily confused and confusing and complex situation. As the old French saying goes, A Door should be either open or shut" - either talk this through with him and agree to carry on together with the aid of a couples counsellor to try to sort out all the layers of pretence ; or agree to end it and actually end it. This is a mutual case of insisting on having your cake and eating it, too.

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: zeezee | 2010/11/03

ONCE A CHEATER ALWAYS A CHEATER. You may be able to forgive, but will you be able to forget? MOVE ON, he had his chance with you and he lost out.

Reply to zeezee
Posted by: woman | 2010/11/03

i think you like the attention your ex is giving you. why else would you allow it to happen. you obviously are not over him yet,so dont play with the other guy''s feelings...you should stop all contact with your ex(if you want to move on with your life) or kiss and make up with you ex.

Reply to woman
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/11/01

HE broke up with YOU, after having cheated on you with his ex, who he has now quarrelled with about him not wanting you to find out about them ( how "broken up" is that ? ) But though you have "broken up" you still live together and sleep together every night ?
He pretends to other people that you have NOT broken up ( and though he claims its none of the business of others, he carefully fakes it because he bothers so much what they think ) ; and he gets jealous and tries to limit your freedom to chat to other guys ? And now you plan to spend a weekend away with some other guy, between the nightly cuddling with your "ex" ?
This seems a totally unnecessarily confused and confusing and complex situation. As the old French saying goes, A Door should be either open or shut" - either talk this through with him and agree to carry on together with the aid of a couples counsellor to try to sort out all the layers of pretence ; or agree to end it and actually end it. This is a mutual case of insisting on having your cake and eating it, too.

Reply to cybershrink

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