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Question
Posted by: L | 2008/09/09

cheating

I am in a 3 yr relationship with my boyfriend, we met at college and this year he stayed in his country ' cause of academic complications. He has told me while he was there that he cheated on me in the second year of our relationship. Even though he says they used a condom and that he was drunk at the time, he now has a son with the lady.
I asked for pics of the baby and i always ask after him and even know his bday. I think i' m too involved (during our convos) so i' ve tried to stop. I am 23 and though it doesn' t sound like it, I am strong and an intellectual woman.
Since he was gone he asked a face to face and apologized. I broke up with him, but it didn' t last a day. It was 6 months ago when he told me. I have since visited him in his home country (work related trip) and we decided to stay together. He is coming back to my college next year, we in the same department. I don' t want to restart the relationship if i walk away now. I still love him. We are from two different religions and it seems like we have no future together.
I know that i must leave him...sometimes i feel like a big sucker for this and even bigger 1 for sticking around. I have some of his belongings and he owes me money2 so i feel like i cant change my cell number. I' ve tried to do it via the phone last month, but he then sent these sweet sms-s&  calls, and now we back together again. I sometimes feel that his using me ' cause i help with his studies and cash flow when his back home. I guess i just don' t know how someone i love could be purposefully hurting and using me and so i tell myself that his telling the truth and that he has never cheated on me besides that night. And that his just going through tough times. He has told me he has stopped drinking all together now.

Please give me some honest advice. How do i leave him? Do i? And how do i ensure that i don' t fall back into this relationship next year?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

What a complex situation you have created for yourself. I'm sure other readers can have useful comments here. It sounds like a relationship with uusually many factors weighing against its becoming a lasting and happy one. It does indeed sound as though you are very useful to him, though. Leaving him makes sense, and its not a highly complex skill. Staying leaved, in the sense of maintaining that position and moving on seems to be the skill that bafles some of us. See a counsellor if necessary, but move on

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Maria | 2008/09/09

I think this guy is playing you for a fool. Clearly you' re a handy source of income for him, and he has no responsibilities in this " relationship" . If you read through the posts in this forum you will see that people are regularly hurt badly by partners that they love. You said it yourself, it seems like you have no future together. So my advice is, walk away. Build a life for yourself without this guy. Don' t lend/give him any more money, put his stuff in storage and when he gets back next year, treat him as an acquantance and nothing more.
Take care.

Reply to Maria

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