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Question
Posted by: Split in 2 | 2011/08/11

Cheated on husband ! What do i do

Hey , im married for less than a year and i have cheated on my husband with a guy i met a month ago. This guy is everything my husband isnt, he is fun and youthful. My husband is boring and acts older than he is. I am also very sexually attracted to this guy and have slept with him on more than 1 occassion. I am not sexually attracted to my husband and its been a few weeks since our last sexual encounter. I am also angry at my living situation and this causes tension at home. What do i do ? I love my husband and i dont want to hurt him but im also very into this other guy and enjoy spending time with him.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Its less than a year - why did you choose to marry your husband at all if he's so boring and sexually unattractive to you ? It doesn't sound as though he has changed, but that you have chosen to supplement the marriage. You don't marry a guy you on't know, after only a long-distance relationship. What you describe doesn't sound in the least like Love on your part.
Discuss this honestly with him, and consider a divorce to at least set him free to find someone who genuinely loves him, rather than someone who feels her own enjoyment is the only important guide to behaviour

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

10
Our users say:
Posted by: Caro | 2011/08/11

Oi!

Reply to Caro
Posted by: Anon | 2011/08/11

Of course there''s no way you''be sexually attracted to your husband when you''re sleeping with another. Now you begin to see your husband boring and unattractive, unromantica and all that jazz.

Men can have as many mistresses as they want, but will still be attracted to their wives. Women are not like that cause they get emotionally attached, stop doing this and remember why you fell in love and married him in the first place.

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Romany | 2011/08/11

My wish is for your husband to find out about you cheating and to chase you out of your " living arrangements" .
Be a grown-up and divorce him, move out, get away, stop fooling his family that took you in and are no doubt feeding you.
Good thing you are not having sex with your husband. He certainly does not deserve a sexually transmitted desease from you.
I will not be surprised if this " guy you met a month ago"  is also married.
The wheel turns lady, the wheel turns

Reply to Romany
Posted by: Jenni | 2011/08/11

Ok, I am going to be nice, but I am not in favour of cheating. At all. First of all, why did you marry a guy that you didn’ t even really know? Did you ever spend long periods of time together, so you could get to know each others habits? Did you ever speak about where you would live, how things would work, etc BEFORE marrying this guy? Did you rush into the marriage to be together? Did you get caught up in the hype of the wedding? You have to ask yourself whether you made the right choice or not. You say you love your husband, but I don’ t believe a wife that truly loves her husband would cheat on him, despite the circumstances. You are an adult, yes? You can make adult choices, no doubt? Like telling your husband that you are not happy with living with your in-laws? Like choosing to communicate with your husband about your grievances? Like rather separating from your husband if he didn’ t take you seriously? You “ love”  this man, but you haven’ t mentioned anything about him that you love- you just mention about how unhappy you are and that he’ s boring. You are going to hurt him anyway- might as well divorce him now and spare him some dignity. You say that you are depressed, but I feel that is no excuse. And I am speaking from experience, so I know. That’ s what the medication is for. However, you don’ t state how old you guys are? How old do you want your husband to act- he has to act like a man, he has a wife to support. If he acts older than he is, is that really such a crime?

Reply to Jenni
Posted by: Tom | 2011/08/11

How old are you?

Reply to Tom
Posted by: Ginger | 2011/08/11

Why are u living with the in-laws, is it not possible to get your own place even if it small for the meantime

Reply to Ginger
Posted by: Split in 2 | 2011/08/11

I live with in laws and their lifestyle is very different to mine, and to the first response,Yes i only got to know his living habits after we were married coz we were in a long distance relationship. Oh im suffering from depression by the way and am on meds.

Reply to Split in 2
Posted by: Tom | 2011/08/11

Could you please elobrate on" angry at my living situation"  ?

Reply to Tom
Posted by: ABC | 2011/08/11

Weird, but it seems as if you only got to know your husband AFTER you got married. Really now? You knew him before you got married. You knew what type of person he was.
You are already hurting your husband. How can you say you love him when you so easily cheat on him and you''ve only been married a year?
Divorce him and set him free so he can find someone that will actually care about him and his feelings.
Oh, and what did you expect? An " ag shame, poor woman" ? NO! Sorry, but you need to hear the truth!

Reply to ABC
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/08/11

Its less than a year - why did you choose to marry your husband at all if he's so boring and sexually unattractive to you ? It doesn't sound as though he has changed, but that you have chosen to supplement the marriage. You don't marry a guy you on't know, after only a long-distance relationship. What you describe doesn't sound in the least like Love on your part.
Discuss this honestly with him, and consider a divorce to at least set him free to find someone who genuinely loves him, rather than someone who feels her own enjoyment is the only important guide to behaviour

Reply to cybershrink

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