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Question
Posted by: Anon | 2010/09/30

Cheated on

HI...

This is basicially my last resort...

I went for an operation about 2 months ago. I found out 2 weeks ago that i was cheated on while i was in hospital - when i confronted him - he said he then didnt know what he wanted, i am what he wants, he regrets it every day, his sorry, he was drunk and went to a club and ran into her (i think its his ex) and then decided to take her to our home, on my bed...

I''m trying really hard to get over this, the images in my mind, the hurt, the trust that has been broken... How do you get over something like this?

Why not if you unhappy just leave, he said he realised he wanted me the morning after he realised what he has done.... why go test the waters if you know you want to stay on land? I don''t understand this?

HOw do i know he will never do it again, or contact her, how do i know he will not lie to me again about stuff? I had to find pictures of them of that night and confront him - he did not tell me, he states for the reason he was scared i will leave him...

Please could you help me... this is driving me insane....

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

So you've been under an unusual amount of stress in recent months. And our guy behaved like a heel ( OK, one hears his excuses, but if the person you love is undergoing surgery, you don't waltz off to a club and get drunk ).
What is needed, if there is to be any realistic chance of this relationship healing and working properly, is for the pair of you to see a mariage counsellor / couples counsellor to work this through. If he ( or you ) are unwilling, then you would be wise to seek individual counselling to help you work through this successfully and usefully.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

5
Our users say:
Posted by: Happiness | 2010/10/01

I also get drunk, I mean really drunk but here is the thing, when I''m drunk I look for my husband. He does not drink so I make sure I only drink when he is around. Alcohol makes us less conscious of the consequensies but it does not take away the morals &  principles of the person. It just reveals our true selves. My point is, he had wanted to sleep with his ex long before getting drunk. Just weigh your options before giving this relationship another chance, if I was your mom I would say " run like wind!!" 

Reply to Happiness
Posted by: Anon | 2010/10/01

Thank you Chris - did you manage to do this? Did you ever get over it?

I totally agree with you - he needs to work at getting my trust back, i did not do anything wrong so he needs to do all the work at fixing what he messed up

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Chris | 2010/09/30

My wife cheated on me two years ago and also said she is sorry. But the trust was damaged and believe me, it is hard work to trust again!!!!! You must not learn to trust him again....HE MUST GAIN YOUR TRUST AGAIN!!!!! HE MUST WORK ON GETTING YOU TO TRUST HIM AGAIN!!

Reply to Chris
Posted by: Soul | 2010/09/30

Honey men do it cause they can get away with it, wheather or not it meant something to him who knows. Pity he regretted it the morning after. Why is it that they say they so sorry after wards, why is it they don''t feel like that before they sleep with another.
Your bf''s not sorry his just sorry he got caught out.
personally I feel that each person is different what one person may forgive and live with another may not. You need to look inside you and find what you are capable of living with what you want and need. But don''t seattle for less you are worth more and there will be another that will treat you like you are more and won''t harm your relationship. This is affecting you in a negative way will you be at peace if he should go out and will you be able to trust him completely knowing he is faithfull to you, only you can answer that.

Reply to Soul
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/09/30

So you've been under an unusual amount of stress in recent months. And our guy behaved like a heel ( OK, one hears his excuses, but if the person you love is undergoing surgery, you don't waltz off to a club and get drunk ).
What is needed, if there is to be any realistic chance of this relationship healing and working properly, is for the pair of you to see a mariage counsellor / couples counsellor to work this through. If he ( or you ) are unwilling, then you would be wise to seek individual counselling to help you work through this successfully and usefully.

Reply to cybershrink

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