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Posted by: anne | 2012-09-24

charity

My bf and I had a major fight because I don''t tip the petrol attendants, the car wash guys. I do give parking guards my change. It''s like I have to do everything he agrees with, otherwise I''m selfish, negative and grumpy. He might feel like a martyr giving to these people, but i give to charities for animals. I have a debit order coming off my bank account for years donating to animals in distress. I just would rather donate my money to animals instead of people, does that make me selfish?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

When you are together in the car, does HE tip the garage staff ? Why is it up to you ? And when you are driving alone, how does he know what (m or if or who ) you tip ?
There's nothing remotely selfish about you shoocing who and where to spend money or time in supporting a cause you beloeve in. Does he donate generously to Animal charities ? My point being that he sems inconsistent and over-controlling.
I also believe that workers should receive a proper earned wage, and not depend on extras being paid to them on top of the already inflated prices we have to pay the company that employs them.
Tipping when someone exceeds their job, does more than they needed to do, is a good idea, as it encourages us all to be more caring and to exceed minimum expectations.
And many people who tip ostentatiously ( in a showing off manner ) are not doing so out of any generosity towards the recipient, but to show off, and, because of personal insecurity, because they think it makes other people think more of them.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Anon | 2012-09-25

Petrol attendants, car wash guys, parking guards etc. provide a service, the majority of them are hired and already recieves a pay check. I don''t think it''s selfish to not go out of your way just to tip them, personally I only give a tip when I have something left over that seems reasonable (assuming they acted politely and did their job). That and giving money to an actual charity are two completely different things, not sure why your bf would call you selfish while knowing that you support causes to help those in need.
Perhaps he gets embarrassed or feels scared that people will think you are stingy or cheap? I have a friend who acts that way, must always give a large tip or else the waiter might think she''s poor/stingy etc.
Seems like a silly thing to get into a major fight over, I would''ve told him that once he starts donating to a cause he feels worthy he can start berating you for not giving out tips!

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Romany | 2012-09-25

No, it make you very wise.
You and the rest of the " honest" people of this country, pays taxes. And not a small amount I may add.
Amongst other things, these taxes are meant to be for the homeless and the unemployed. So, you are already contributing more than you should.
Well done for giving to animals, I also do that and it gives me a sense of satisfaction.

Reply to Romany
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012-09-25

When you are together in the car, does HE tip the garage staff ? Why is it up to you ? And when you are driving alone, how does he know what (m or if or who ) you tip ?
There's nothing remotely selfish about you shoocing who and where to spend money or time in supporting a cause you beloeve in. Does he donate generously to Animal charities ? My point being that he sems inconsistent and over-controlling.
I also believe that workers should receive a proper earned wage, and not depend on extras being paid to them on top of the already inflated prices we have to pay the company that employs them.
Tipping when someone exceeds their job, does more than they needed to do, is a good idea, as it encourages us all to be more caring and to exceed minimum expectations.
And many people who tip ostentatiously ( in a showing off manner ) are not doing so out of any generosity towards the recipient, but to show off, and, because of personal insecurity, because they think it makes other people think more of them.

Reply to cybershrink

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