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Question
Posted by: anon | 2012-08-14

CHANGE

How do i go about changing the way i do things? How do i change from doing everything and making sure everything is done before i take time for myself to taking time for myself first then do what has to be done? I have to make sure that the house is tidy, kitchen clean, food is cooked, dishes packed away, washing done before i can do anything for me. But when i one the odd occassion go ahead and do what i want to do, these things are always on my mind that have to be done so i rush what i am doing and am not enjoying it as much.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sounds like this could be mainly an issue of getting these tasks and activities into proportion. Some things do "have" to be done. You can't eat supper before preparing and cooking it, so do so or go hungry. And urgent things need to be done urgently.
But you seem to be describing a rather obsessive pattern, perhaps. Its good to finish clearing up after a meal and dealing with major house mess before relaxing, but how long should that take ? Unless you're an amazingly messy cook, maybe 10 or 20 minutes ? We're not talking about re-decorating or re-painting the lounge before you settle for the evening, surely ? Can't you do whatever's really eneded and still have lots of time left for relaxation, hobbies, etc ?
As Maria says, some chores don't need to be done every day. And if there are others sharing the household, they must also share the chores.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Maria | 2012-08-15

Justme, it sounds as if you may be suffering from OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder). Therapy can really help, I suggest you see a psychologist.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: justme | 2012-08-15

Its easier said than done. i have a routine of doing things each day which I just have to follow, if I dont I am totally misplaced, I freak out and theneverything seems to go wrong. And its now even worse with the birth of my kids....hmph

Reply to justme
Posted by: Maria | 2012-08-15

If you don''t live alone, get other people involved in the chores, why should you do everything? Besides, what''s the WORST that can happen if you leave the dishes to dry on their own, or skip a day of doing laundry?

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Maria | 2012-08-15

You have to lower your standards. Pick one thing you won''t do every day - tidying up might be a good one. Then decide that e.g. Mondays and Thursday you won''t do it. Stick to that, even if it makes you uncomfortable, until you can ignore stuff lying around without worrying. Then increase the days, or add another chore. Have a plan, e.g. on Monday I''m going to read 3 chapters in this book, or paint my nails, whatever... Good luck.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012-08-15

Sounds like this could be mainly an issue of getting these tasks and activities into proportion. Some things do "have" to be done. You can't eat supper before preparing and cooking it, so do so or go hungry. And urgent things need to be done urgently.
But you seem to be describing a rather obsessive pattern, perhaps. Its good to finish clearing up after a meal and dealing with major house mess before relaxing, but how long should that take ? Unless you're an amazingly messy cook, maybe 10 or 20 minutes ? We're not talking about re-decorating or re-painting the lounge before you settle for the evening, surely ? Can't you do whatever's really eneded and still have lots of time left for relaxation, hobbies, etc ?
As Maria says, some chores don't need to be done every day. And if there are others sharing the household, they must also share the chores.

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Tina | 2012-08-14

You are not alone! I do the same

Reply to Tina

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