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Question
Posted by: M | 2010-01-29

Change

CS Don' t you have the most challenging job known? Do people ever really listen to you and do what you tell them to, or does it get to the point where most people just want to have their say without really wanting the tools to change? I find I have the desire to change but I seem to lack the ability. If I look at the rest of my life still waiting to be lived...will I look back in 20 years time &  still be a mess? How does a person change? Does it take years of therapy?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Interesting thoughts, M Actually, surprisingly many people change, and some of those have the grace to return to the forum and tell us of their progress. I wish that "tools to change" were taught in school. One of the reasons I am enthusiastic about methods like CBT is that it DOEs exactly provide just those tools, to help people not merely to heal their current problems but to take with them the tools for repairs later in life.
If therapy takes too many years, the therapist is on the wrong track and using the wrong mehod

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Our users say:
Posted by: Liza | 2010-01-29

CBT has helped me enormously. Even though I still get the happy-go-lucky feeling when I have money in the bank and enter the shops, I' m mostly able to tell myself - I don' t need this or it costs too much. I still go into the shops when I' m manic, but CBT has given me the tools to frequently tell myself NO - don' t buy that, you don' t need it. On Monday I went to the shops with my best friend, showing her the cheap clothing shops where I' ve gotten great bargains in the past. On Monday morning I had just received a substantial sum from SARS as well as a bonus for a successful project. So I had LOTS of money in the bank and I was euphorically happy. I managed to only spend R20 on lunch and R10 for parking. Through all the cheap clothing shops, I looked, but did not purchase a single thing. I was VERY impressed with my impulse control. The next day I spent R800 on books, but before that I had decided to reward myself with R1500 spending money for ' unneccesary'  stuff. Then I had a haircut and browsed through the other shops without spending. Yesterday I spent the last R500 on some CD' s and DVD' s I' ve wanted for a long time. And the rest I' ve paid into my 32 notice account so that it isn' t readily accessible. I' ve discovered that I' ve actually got some money management skills. As long as I can force myself (which can be VERY difficult at times, but is getting easier) to ensure that I' ve still got money the day before payday.

So I have to say that it' s definitely worthwhile trying CBT to modify behaviour that would make you happier (or richer like me) End of Feb I' m moving. I' ve got my deposit, I' ve got money to pay for the move PLUS money to buy a washing machine since I don' t have one. Three months ago I wouldn' t have been able to afford all this because I would have wasted the money I now save.

Reply to Liza
Posted by: Big Girl | 2010-01-29

Hi M...

I fully understand how you feel. Let me tell you with me how it worked.
I looked at my lifestyle. 1st question i asked myself, am i happy with my current situation...that is where am i, am i content, with all that i have am i really happy with myself? the answer was no. The next question was, what is it that i' m doing wrong, and i figured it out...one of them was living beyond my means, not having a relationship with God, had people around me that were of no value in all forms, was pressuring myself unneccessary.
Had to find a solution....did not cut but moved away from friends and those that were PDS (pulling down syndrome), to be able to have an introspection not owing anyone an explanation why i don' t do this and that, that worked for me.
I have totally changed, career wise it sky jumped, i' m so content in everything that will lead to have peace within.....my advice, 1st get rid offfff the things or people that are of no value, you will be able to self talk that can lead to a great change.

Reply to Big Girl
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010-01-29

Interesting thoughts, M Actually, surprisingly many people change, and some of those have the grace to return to the forum and tell us of their progress. I wish that "tools to change" were taught in school. One of the reasons I am enthusiastic about methods like CBT is that it DOEs exactly provide just those tools, to help people not merely to heal their current problems but to take with them the tools for repairs later in life.
If therapy takes too many years, the therapist is on the wrong track and using the wrong mehod

Reply to cybershrink

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