Posted by: Should i or shouldnt i | 2009-02-26


I never look on my boyfriend' s cellphone to see if he does stuff behind my back but i did it once about 3 weeks ago. He sent this other chick a message saying he dreamt about her (nothing sexual) and seems like they chat with each other now and then.....the previous messages didnt really seems supect. I cornered him and asked him if he is falling for someone else coz then he must be honest with me. He denied it and promised me he isnt. He said its an old friend of his (she stays in a different town). Now he wont trust me in his house again without him being there, says i dig into his personal stuff. When i asked him if he has something to hide, he said it only causes unnecessary arguments coz i interpret the messages wrong. What should i think about this whole scenario??

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I agree wih wacko

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Posted by: should i or shouldnt i | 2009-02-27

Strange: The actual reason why i checked on his cellphone was to see if he has any contact with his ex girlfriend, not because he gave me reason to think so but because of me being curious and insecure. She kind of stalks him and i wanted to see how he reacted towards her (just to make sure) I will keep my eyes open though. For him, trust and honesty is the most important thing in a relationship and he hates infidelity, so i really hope trusting him is not gonna make me regret anything in the future, but i wont act all naive anyway. One can never be tooo sure. Thanks again!

Reply to should i or shouldnt i
Posted by: Strange | 2009-02-27

Glad I could have been of some help. I think you must have had some idea he was not being honest with you otherwise you would not have checked out his cellphone. Your lengthy association with him must have taught you something about him and if you are now noticing this odd behaviour of his, there may be more to it. There is nothing wrong with feeling the way you do especially if you have a sneaking suspicion about him. Its natural to feel worried. I suggest you pay specific attention to what he is up to without going overboard and you will soon get the picture. You can then decide what you are going to do. Its a pointless exercise to keep hanging around when you don' t trust a person. Trust is too precious to mess around with in a relationship.

Reply to Strange
Posted by: Should i or shouldnt i | 2009-02-27

Thanks for the advice Strange. We have known each other for 5 years and have been a couple for 3 years. You are right, why told her about the dream? Obviously he was looking for some reaction from her and " why"  is the question. I dont want to scope on his phone again but now im wondering where the conversation led to anyway. I must admit i can be a very insecure person but sometimes i really trust my gut feelings. Maybe he is flirting with her on a casual basis and are not looking for something more. But in that case, there are some serious honesty problems in our relationship that is a concern. Dont know how i can investigate this more because im not the type of girl that goes snooping around his personal stuff, i hate it!!!!

Reply to Should i or shouldnt i
Posted by: Strange | 2009-02-27

OK perhaps you should not have scoped out his cellphone, but what the hell, you did. I guess you had an inkling that he was up to something and that probably prompted you to have a peek ? Am I correct ? What I find sinister is that after dreaming about this girl, he found it necessary to tell her about it . What was the purpose of that ? To me its flirting, he clearly has some feelings for her, otherwise he would have just kept it to himself. You don' t say how deep your relationship with you b/f is, casual, or physical ? That makes a diff. If its just a casual " getting to know you"  type, then no harm done I suppose, but if its physical then I would say he is not being honest with you and keeping you on the side while he keeps other options open. Personally, I take the physical side seriously and believe that when two people are committed to go there, it should have some special significance and not be treated like some sort of fun roll in the hay, finish with one go on to the next. A few of these relationships before you settle down and have kids in a committed marriage always will leave one with a sense of regret that you have cheapened oneself. I am not criticising you at all, I am just expressing how I personally feel about it. Good luck girl.

Reply to Strange
Posted by: wacko | 2009-02-26

the best option is to sit him down and revisit the entire situation with him, argument or no argument, you need to rebuild the precious trust that has been lost, and that can only be done by communicating to each other honestly.

hey maybe your abit insecure within the relationship, and maybe with yourself?

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