advertisement
Question
Posted by: KM | 2010/11/22

Cause and Effect in life

Dear doc
Please can you help
I am completely lost at the moment and wonder if any of my decisions in life have been made correctly.
I am married with a toddler. My husband has squandered our savings and put us in enormous debt due to gambling.
I am also at fault because when the good times were there, I didn’ t say stop but now that the bad times are rolling, I am growing highly resentful.
When we have an argument, I keep pushing his buttons –  which is no financial help, unemployment. He will get a very low grade job which will probably be beneath him. He is great with our kid and takes care of our home. However he’ s now taken money from his spouse credit card and doesn’ t see a problem with it. He’ s also a control freak and doesn’ t like it when I step out of line.
I don’ t remember why I married him in the first place. I don’ t remember if it was love or being comfortable. Our marriage is more of a friendship.
I know you are going to say …  seek relationship counseling …  I asked. I gave him two options 1. Divorce 2. Counseling and he choose Divorce.
When we have arguments, he also throws things around and breaks things.
He always dares me to push him to the edge and then he will show me a point. Our last argument was definitely different. This time he wanted me to push him to the edge so that he could hit me.

Everything in his eyes is rosy. I am tired of being his mother and want to be a wife … . Actually I want to be left alone with my child. I am tired of carrying him as a responsibility. I have paid off close to a million rand of debt for him. I can’ t do this anymore.

I know he wants to pick himself up again and put himself on his feet (by selling his car, he can do this). But I don’ t know if I want to stay for the long run and pick up the pieces again. I don’ t know if I want him in my life again. I don’ t know if I love him anymore. I just know that I need to protect myself and my child. I am just so tired of trying to be positive. What do I do doc? What do I do? Do I leave him, Do I fight for what we have? I don’ t even know if I want to fight for what we have anymore.

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

OK. Your husband nas a severe and irresponsible gambling problem which needs attention. Personally, I think the law should make it impossible for bookmakers, casinos, or others who profit off unwise gamblers, to be able to recover ANY money they allow the person to gamble other than actual physical cash delivered by hand - they should not be allowed toe xtend credit and then expect to be repaid. When I have to go to hospital for an emergency last week, I had to PAY, IN ADVANCE, R 22,000 to the hospital before I could be admitted, though I was in very severe pain. Yet a gambling set-up which advances many thousands of rands of "credit" to someone they know is unlikely to win or to be able to pay it back, does not need to behave in this way ?
He must pay what he owes you and the child, above all else, even if he has to wash cars to earn it. If he worked harder and longer, he would have less time for gambling.
If he has taken money from ANYONE else's credit card, that is criminal, fraud or theft or both, and he should face criminal charges, and this might lead to some useful difficulties in continuing to gamble. He can have himself banned from casinos. Divorce would seem like a reasonable idea in the situation you describe, as he is being abusive and seems on the brink of becoming more so. Stop, immediately, paying off ANY of yhis debt and make it very clear that this will never happen abain - paying off his debts has HELPED him to keep on gambling.
Hopw has je managed to get you to protect him and pay for his bad habits, and then feel guilty for what HE does wrong ? See a counselor for yourself, see a good lawyer, and protect yourself and your child

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: HUH | 2010/11/22

Get out while you still can.

Reply to HUH
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/11/22

OK. Your husband nas a severe and irresponsible gambling problem which needs attention. Personally, I think the law should make it impossible for bookmakers, casinos, or others who profit off unwise gamblers, to be able to recover ANY money they allow the person to gamble other than actual physical cash delivered by hand - they should not be allowed toe xtend credit and then expect to be repaid. When I have to go to hospital for an emergency last week, I had to PAY, IN ADVANCE, R 22,000 to the hospital before I could be admitted, though I was in very severe pain. Yet a gambling set-up which advances many thousands of rands of "credit" to someone they know is unlikely to win or to be able to pay it back, does not need to behave in this way ?
He must pay what he owes you and the child, above all else, even if he has to wash cars to earn it. If he worked harder and longer, he would have less time for gambling.
If he has taken money from ANYONE else's credit card, that is criminal, fraud or theft or both, and he should face criminal charges, and this might lead to some useful difficulties in continuing to gamble. He can have himself banned from casinos. Divorce would seem like a reasonable idea in the situation you describe, as he is being abusive and seems on the brink of becoming more so. Stop, immediately, paying off ANY of yhis debt and make it very clear that this will never happen abain - paying off his debts has HELPED him to keep on gambling.
Hopw has je managed to get you to protect him and pay for his bad habits, and then feel guilty for what HE does wrong ? See a counselor for yourself, see a good lawyer, and protect yourself and your child

Reply to cybershrink

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
advertisement