Posted by: Shocked | 2009-04-28

Caught boyfriend um...well you know

I came home early from work the other day and cought my, masturbating. We have been going thrugh a patch where I just have no libido (depression medication I am taking) So we havent been intimate since last week Wednesday

When he saw me he just stood up and pulled up his pants and said ooops, busted and then carried on like nothing had happened. I was really shocked but not angry, I really dont know how to feel. I asked to see what he was looking at so he showed me. He was looking at pictures of girls in lingerie and bikinis - so it wasnt hard core sick stuff lots of guys look at.
He did not apologise, but he did look a bit sheepish

I joked about it with him later - I told him he needs to do the dishes and when he said no, hed do it later I said no, do it now, you wanker. We both had a good laugh at that

Things are a bit strained now - he is embaressed and I think feeling a little guilty and I just dont know how to feel

Should I even be worried about this? Its not like he was on a porn site or sex chat room or cheating on me with someone so I dont feel like i have the right to be angry with him but I cant help but feel a bit cheated...

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Our expert says:
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This would be highly embarrasing to any man, but he seems to have dealt with it gracefully. ( I nearly said "handled it well". but that could be ambiguous ! ) He did nothing wrong. Most women, and an even higher proportion of men, masturbate --- it is normal and healthy to do so. And in the context that, within your relationship, you are temporarily less interested in sex, and he is, naturally, not, he chose the most honest way of daling with this, in no way unfaithful to you, and indeed a way that would help him to remain faithful.
You say you feel a bit cheated --- of what did he cheat you ? Some minor sexual activity you didn't want and wouldn't enjoy ? As for the focus of his fantasy, remember his arousal wasn't about THAT girl in THAT bikini, but about "girls", a much more generic arousal. while you were temporarily unavailable.
It would have been the same had he been visiting a porn site, and very different indeed had be been cheating, in actual sex with another person. Work this through, yourself, and try to find a graceful way to indicate to him that you understand, and are not angry. That will benefit both of you.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Anonymous | 2009-04-28

next time put it in your mouth and help him!

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: CV | 2009-04-28

They say a man stops mastubating the day he becomes single again. So, even if you do what you are supposed to do in a relationship, he will still find a time and a place to do it. Its natural, so no feeling guilty is necessary. In fact, I think you missed an opportunity here girl. Remember, an opportunity missed is one missed forever. you wont catch up the ones you missed out on.

Reply to CV
Posted by: Ummmm well yes | 2009-04-28

Ja, guys tend to do that. I wonder why he did not ask you to help out or why you did not realise that he wsas bursting at the seams and perhaps just getting him and doing it ? Im sure he would not have objected ! I guess both of you feel sort of embarrassed.

Reply to Ummmm well yes
Posted by: Female | 2009-04-28

No, let the poor guy be. There' s nothing to be angry about, considering he wasn' t doing it while lying right next to you in bed - i' ve come across stranger things (lol). On his part too, there' s nothing to feel guilty about or ashamed of. It' s good that you can both joke around about it, maybe you can calmly tell him you' re not angry, he actually has the right to do it and no hard feelings... Lol but the sound of it, especially his reaction, is funny! Good luck Shocked.

Reply to Female

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