Our expert says:
Nobody who has not had a living and loved pet knows how much genuine grief it's loss causes. But whoever decided to take your cat to the vet finally without telling you, was being much more cruel than they intended.
Not allowing you to say farewell to the cat was cruel and totally unnecessary. Perhaps they thought you might become so emotional you wouldnt't allow it to happen, even if it was ultimately for the benefit of the cat ?
As you realise, too, the loss was yours. Were you able to have said goodbye, it would probably have made it easier for you right now, but not maybe as much as you think. For the cat, it would have been another nice cuddle, without any special meaning ( which is good, from its point of view ). Fortunately, the cat may have wondered where he was going, but would not have had any reason to fear what might happen, and was surely treated with dignity and kindness at the vets, so as just to feel it was going back to sleep, something cats are so ready to do.
In the early stages of any grief, the reactions you describe are normal - to expect to see him, maybe to think you hear him, and so on. That fades, after a while, as you know from previous experiences, but the good and loving times you had together won't fade, and will always be with you.
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