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Question
Posted by: Cat | 2012-05-14

Cat got put to sleep

My cat got put to sleep last week without me knowing. He was sick but it seemed to have got worse and my family took him to the vet. I didn''t even get a chance to hug him and kiss him good bye. I came home from work and was told what happened. It feels like he was just dropped off at the vet and abandoned. I miss him so much. There is no closure because I didn''t say good bye. It happened so suddenly. I knew he was sick but he was taken good care of and over night it just got worse. I always say goodbye to my pets. I guess it helps with my grief to know that I said goodbye and got to hold them for the last time. I keep wanting to call him and then I realise he''s not here anymore. It''s a strange feeling. He used to wait outside my door every single morning when I woke up.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Nobody who has not had a living and loved pet knows how much genuine grief it's loss causes. But whoever decided to take your cat to the vet finally without telling you, was being much more cruel than they intended.
Not allowing you to say farewell to the cat was cruel and totally unnecessary. Perhaps they thought you might become so emotional you wouldnt't allow it to happen, even if it was ultimately for the benefit of the cat ?
As you realise, too, the loss was yours. Were you able to have said goodbye, it would probably have made it easier for you right now, but not maybe as much as you think. For the cat, it would have been another nice cuddle, without any special meaning ( which is good, from its point of view ). Fortunately, the cat may have wondered where he was going, but would not have had any reason to fear what might happen, and was surely treated with dignity and kindness at the vets, so as just to feel it was going back to sleep, something cats are so ready to do.
In the early stages of any grief, the reactions you describe are normal - to expect to see him, maybe to think you hear him, and so on. That fades, after a while, as you know from previous experiences, but the good and loving times you had together won't fade, and will always be with you.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012-05-14

Nobody who has not had a living and loved pet knows how much genuine grief it's loss causes. But whoever decided to take your cat to the vet finally without telling you, was being much more cruel than they intended.
Not allowing you to say farewell to the cat was cruel and totally unnecessary. Perhaps they thought you might become so emotional you wouldnt't allow it to happen, even if it was ultimately for the benefit of the cat ?
As you realise, too, the loss was yours. Were you able to have said goodbye, it would probably have made it easier for you right now, but not maybe as much as you think. For the cat, it would have been another nice cuddle, without any special meaning ( which is good, from its point of view ). Fortunately, the cat may have wondered where he was going, but would not have had any reason to fear what might happen, and was surely treated with dignity and kindness at the vets, so as just to feel it was going back to sleep, something cats are so ready to do.
In the early stages of any grief, the reactions you describe are normal - to expect to see him, maybe to think you hear him, and so on. That fades, after a while, as you know from previous experiences, but the good and loving times you had together won't fade, and will always be with you.

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