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Question
Posted by: D | 2010/07/08

Careless man

Hi Doc

I''m in a relationship with this man, he is a nice person but the problem is thas he doesn''t like taking care of himself, like dress code, unpolished shoes and he doesn''t like to cut his hair, I thought i''ll be able to transform him but i''m failing, I used to buy him staff when i have money but he hardly wears them and he gets irritated when i ask him " why he didn''t cut his hair or why is he wearing old worn out pants. He says I must love him the way he is and not judge him. I feel ashamed at times when i''m with him, I can''t even introduce him to my close friends. I''m at the stage whereby i can''t really take it anymore I hoped that he will change but he''s not, he''s actually getting worse. Am I being unfair to dump him for those reasons

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Amazing how many relationships start with a woman acepting an imperfect man, but assuming she will be able to transform him satisfactorily. Some people are unduly self-protective and insist on not being "judged" though it may be important for them to realize that while i ndeed they do have the right to be as slovenly as they wish, you are doing them a favour in pleasantly indicating what many other people will think of them - otherwise they mayh be puzzled by lacking friends, or not getting jobs or promotions. In your own home, you can dress and look as you please - but if you have to work and relate with others, you can't aford to entirely disregard what they may think about how you choose to look.
If he really wants to dress and appear in a way you find unpleasant and embarrasing, and is uninterested in how you feel about this, there may not be much point in continuing the relationship.

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6
Our users say:
Posted by: me | 2010/07/09

its embarassing!

Reply to me
Posted by: Suede | 2010/07/09

Its true u can''t change a man who''s not ready to change himself. You''l frustrate yourself move on or make him your second best don''t care about him anymore or unless he''s giving you something that you feel that''s why it is difficult for you to leave him.

Reply to Suede
Posted by: Rob | 2010/07/08

This is the main problem with women.....they try to change the man over the years and finally she will tell him that he just isn''t the same man she married!!!!!!

Reply to Rob
Posted by: XXX | 2010/07/08

Too many women think they can change a man,this rarely happens.He appears comfortable in the way he dresses etc,so either you accept him as he is,or you move on I''m afraid.

Reply to XXX
Posted by: Maria | 2010/07/08

You''re not going to change him and at the moment you''re just frustrating yourself and him. Move on and find someone who you are more compatible with.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/07/08

Amazing how many relationships start with a woman acepting an imperfect man, but assuming she will be able to transform him satisfactorily. Some people are unduly self-protective and insist on not being "judged" though it may be important for them to realize that while i ndeed they do have the right to be as slovenly as they wish, you are doing them a favour in pleasantly indicating what many other people will think of them - otherwise they mayh be puzzled by lacking friends, or not getting jobs or promotions. In your own home, you can dress and look as you please - but if you have to work and relate with others, you can't aford to entirely disregard what they may think about how you choose to look.
If he really wants to dress and appear in a way you find unpleasant and embarrasing, and is uninterested in how you feel about this, there may not be much point in continuing the relationship.

Reply to cybershrink

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