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Question
Posted by: Done | 2011-02-13

Cant take it anymore

Im sharing an apartment with my younger sister, we are both employed and do shift work. It is actually my apartment but i asked her to move in with me when she was goin thru a rough patch and wanted to keep a close eye on her. We have been staying together for over 3 yrs now. Im responsible for the rent and she, for the pre-paid electricity which has to be bought at the apartment Agency. Last year, on more than one occassion we sat in the dark because she had failed to fulfil her obligation.At one point she left for home(which is in another province) yet again failing to fulfil her obligation and also failing to inform me(was not doin shift work at the time). When i got to the apartment i was greeted with a defrosted fridge, water all over the floor. Upon enquiry, she said she had asked someone earlier during the day to go and buy electricity at 12 noon and that person didnt get back to her.Since it was during winter time, i asked my neighbours if i can hang out at their place until im sorted later.
The neighbours(guys) offered to give me a warm bed to on(I was desperate at the time so i obliged). To my surprise, one of them got into bed with me and started harassing.The other one said to sleep on his bed where i could be safe(it was at around 12 midnite and i still had not received been smsed an electricity voucher or a call to let me know what the hold up was).U can imagine how livid i was, i called my older sister,crying,and related the story to her.I was only smsed the voucher at 2h30 am.To this day,she never asked how i had coped alone in the " dark"  that day, which obviously meant that she didnt care.There is also an issue of disrespect between us.My parents have previously intervened upon my request,things were ok after that,but then she reverted to her old ways.I asked her to move out a few months ago as i cant take the stress anymore and want to save our relationship as sisters.
On saturday i asked her how far she is with her apartment hunting and her response was that since i want her to move out , i should find her an apartment as she is way too busy for that.
i think i will change the locks and then take out her belongings when she gets there.She is pushing me to be a bad person whereas im not.

Please advice!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

OK, she is old enough to look after herself, and has consistently failed to show you appropriate respect as an older sister who has kindly allowed her to stay with you. It is not your job to find an apartment for her ( what a cheeky thing for her to say to you !) I agree - tell her to leave and give a week's notice, and then change the locks, and give her her belongings by arrangement, at a time that suits you. YOu would not be a Bad Person for doing so - she is a Bad Person for driving you to it. Maybe when she hunts for her own place and then tries to maintain it, she will appreciate what you gave her.

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: magda | 2011-02-14

Kick her out!!! (sorry, but true)

Reply to magda
Posted by: Realist | 2011-02-13

If you empower your useless sister by " helping"  her, all you are doing is showing her how weak you are and a soft touch to boot. Stay away from her, listen to her problems and then say " Oh yes, shame, what are you going to do about it ?"  She will soon get the message. You are picking a stick for your own rear end !

Reply to Realist
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011-02-13

OK, she is old enough to look after herself, and has consistently failed to show you appropriate respect as an older sister who has kindly allowed her to stay with you. It is not your job to find an apartment for her ( what a cheeky thing for her to say to you !) I agree - tell her to leave and give a week's notice, and then change the locks, and give her her belongings by arrangement, at a time that suits you. YOu would not be a Bad Person for doing so - she is a Bad Person for driving you to it. Maybe when she hunts for her own place and then tries to maintain it, she will appreciate what you gave her.

Reply to cybershrink

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