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Question
Posted by: Case | 2011/08/15

Cant stand my fiance''s kids

HI, ive been with my fiance for 2 years now and his boys (6 &  8) are living with us now.. Their mother is useless and we have them now. I feel evil, but i just want them away from me. I cant stand them. They are the worst kids, they are bratty, spoilt and i have no idea what to do. I''m on " happy"  pills, but they only work sometimes. Sometimes they can be great kids, but 9/10 they are awful.. They dont care about anyone by themselves.. We are now fighting cause ive had enough and im opening my mouth and talking about what irritates me, but im the disciplinarian in the house, not him... If i dont, he wont, and our house is a war ground with them in the middle. Sarcastically smiling a big F U to me...
help!!!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

No form of pill, happy or otherwise, can or chould make one content with an untenable position. Some kids are naturally bratty, but this is greatly enhanced and made chronic by parents ( maybe especially after divorce ) who have contradictory responses to such bad behaviours, rather than, as is essential, sharing a set of common rules, rewards and penalties for good and bad behaviour, which both apply to the kids. Otherwise the kids so easily learn to exploit the situation and run havoc.
And if one or both parents feels guilty for the marital break-up, they may become over-indulgent which is bad for the kids, and indeed everyone concerned.
How about some couples counselling to sort out a common approach to these problems ?
Good responses from most of our readers

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

6
Our users say:
Posted by: Case | 2011/08/17

Thank you for all your responses.. :) I love him so much so i put up with the boys. Last night they were the kids i wish they would always be.. They were polite, sweet and just a pleasure to have around.. but sadly this happens once in a blue moon and then they switch (just after they have come back from their mother) Its her fault she and my fiance got divorced... so when she has them she spoils them rotten.. my mother taught me to work for what you get,. but they figure if they just whine about it enough, they will get whatever it is that they want. (and they usually do) I dont give in to the whining, but my man does.. luckily i step in and say no.. We usually are pretty ok with that (usually) Im trying to be patient, but their parent have been divorced for 5 years now.. I feel its time for them to stop trying to cash in on whatever guilt there is about the situation. Im only 26 and have a very short temper with things that i feel are wrong... I dont keep my mouth shut and thats when we argue.. Because i say he''s spoiling them and he says " shame they are only kids" .........

Reply to Case
Posted by: Romany | 2011/08/16

Blood is thicker than water. Leave and move on. You will always be number 3.

Reply to Romany
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/08/16

No form of pill, happy or otherwise, can or chould make one content with an untenable position. Some kids are naturally bratty, but this is greatly enhanced and made chronic by parents ( maybe especially after divorce ) who have contradictory responses to such bad behaviours, rather than, as is essential, sharing a set of common rules, rewards and penalties for good and bad behaviour, which both apply to the kids. Otherwise the kids so easily learn to exploit the situation and run havoc.
And if one or both parents feels guilty for the marital break-up, they may become over-indulgent which is bad for the kids, and indeed everyone concerned.
How about some couples counselling to sort out a common approach to these problems ?
Good responses from most of our readers

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Shelly | 2011/08/15

it doesnt start with the children, it starts with you and your fiance, make sure that the both of you have an understanding as to how kids should be raised, remember those are not your kids and there''s a thrid party involved (the mother). Like it or not, your fiance wont see you as their mother, so if you dont agree with how his kids are behaving, he could think you being difficult or that you dont want them around. Take him for dinner and discuss this with him, in a loving and mellow tone, tell him you love him, and you are concerned about his kids. Ask him if you can help him with them, maybe he would love that you want to be part of their lives. This way you can structure how things should be done, but before that, once you come to an agreement that you will work together, with the kids, find someone that can help you guys figure out where to start and then follow that plan. If you follow a plan from someone else, its unlikely that anyone could be at fault if something goes wrong.

Reply to Shelly
Posted by: Maria | 2011/08/15

If you and their father cannot agree on how these kids should be raised then I don''t see a future for your relationship. Have you tried counselling?

Reply to Maria
Posted by: J | 2011/08/15

Leave my dear, if their dad cant c the behavior of his sons and teach them the right thing. its not your responsibility to decilpine them, they will endup hating u.

Reply to J

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