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Question
Posted by: sos | 2012/10/01

cant relax

I dont really know where to start this question as the cause has so many branches that it becomes muddled but let me try and simplify. My boyfriend is very unpredictable, I dont know who is going to be from one moment to the next, his moods literally flip from super cheerful to dont even comment at the TV. As a result I find that ive begun to walk on pins and needles in anticipation of whatever may happen so that I can make sure what I say or do doesnt aggravate a situation. Im not sure if i was consiously aware of doing this from the beginning but I have noticed it for the last while and it feels like I can just never relax or be at ease, Im always in some state of preparation for a mood swing. The thing is if he was affectionate with me I might have been able to overlook it but when I reach fornhis hand he pulls it away, when i hug him he asks me what im doing, he wont hug me or kiss me unkess he''s saying hello or goodbye and he is very affectionate when he is drunk and his inhibitions are gone. He never inciates sex, never once since we''ve been together which is over a year. Due to all of this im am now becoming resentful of what I feel im doing for him by making sure Im always pleasant, keeping the peace and not rocking the boat. I do it for me as well because I dont like the fights, coz with him its never just a fight, he always makes me leave. I imagine that if I wasnt so wary all the time and could just be at ease and relax and be myself more then alot of this tension would go away, but I dont know how to be in this state of beinga nd frame of mind anymore. Do you have any advise for me?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

So trying to relate to him is like sharing your home with a pack of monkeys - you never quite know which one will approach you next ?
What on earth is the point of choosing to be with someone so unpredictable, and where every encounter is about HIM, and where you feel a constant need to be cautious so as not to upset him ?
Are you a partner or lover - or an unpaid caregiver ?
Leave him, and look after yourself. Too many people, espeially women, get trapped in relationships which exist entirely for the other person's benefit.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

5
Our users say:
Posted by: Gr8 | 2012/10/03

Run baby run!!!! Never look back!

Reply to Gr8
Posted by: Maria | 2012/10/02

Why do you stay in a relationship with someone who makes you feel anxious all the time? A partner is supposed to make you feel good about yourself, not the opposite.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Chrissie | 2012/10/02

I feel for you. I am in exactly the same situation and have been for 5 years. My stomach is in a constant knot from fear of doing or saying something that will set him off. If I do something wrong he is unable to discuss it with me. Instead I get punished with treats of leaving, abusive names or the silent treatment. Get out while you can. It doesnt get better.

Reply to Chrissie
Posted by: Cammy | 2012/10/02

Hi Dear,

Im no expert , but count yourself lucky at least you have discoverd all this before you are married to him ...run forest run , this person will pull you down and before you know it you will not have your self confidence , you cannot be with a person who only experts you to be happy only when he feels like it , so no sex unless you innitiate , no hug no kiss just loads of mood swings and snapping ...run forest run.

Reply to Cammy
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/10/02

So trying to relate to him is like sharing your home with a pack of monkeys - you never quite know which one will approach you next ?
What on earth is the point of choosing to be with someone so unpredictable, and where every encounter is about HIM, and where you feel a constant need to be cautious so as not to upset him ?
Are you a partner or lover - or an unpaid caregiver ?
Leave him, and look after yourself. Too many people, espeially women, get trapped in relationships which exist entirely for the other person's benefit.

Reply to cybershrink

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