Posted by: funkyheart | 2009-09-14

cant leave

I am 32 years old i am on Epitec. But i am not interested in sex, its been like this for a while. I would rather get into bed and read a book. My husband says that when we do have sex he feels cheap cos i expect him to do all the work. I never initiate it. We have 2 kids i work full day and study, but i am not exhursted i manage my time well, husband helps alot with house hold and kids. So i just dont understand. Could it be that i have checked out this relationship long ago or stopped loving him, or is there something wrong with me? We have a very volitile marrage and its been hard. he is very fussy and i am very relaxed but the fights are huge. i have suggested councelling but he wont go. He is too afraid that he will find out the world is not wrong but he is. he has left me 8 times in the 8 years of marriage, i have left once and was going to a month ago. I have a flat and movers ready. He begged me to stay. I did things just go worse. I was furious as i said but then he stopped talking to me. Things have improved these last 2 weeks. I just dont know i am staying in a marrage i know i am unhappy in. I know he doesnt want me to leave cos of the kids. He is a fantastic father and husband but he is just not giving me what i want or need. I have tried telling him, but he is just conserned about him. I told me that it doesnt matter what i do i just dont make him happy

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageDivorce support expert

Hi Funkyheart,

thanks for sharing your story.

There is a lot of conflict in your relationship. You mention a good father and a helping husband yet there are lots of inconsistencies and the emotional roller coaster suggests some emotional abuse.
Staying in a marriage for the skae of the children has been recognise that it is not the best option. Children will eventually, if not already, be aware of the tension and the unhappiness. It is not a breakup per se which affects children but the ongoing parental conflict and unhealthy family situation.

You mention that he does fulfill your needs. Do you know what your needs are?

You would benefit from a pre divorce coaching consultation which will help you clarify your confusion.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Guest | 2009-10-10

I think you are in a habit of being married. You probably felt severe emotion the first time he left, and came back - but after 8 times you are immune to him.
32 is young, you have a whole life ahead of you. I think you should leave.

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