Posted by: Katherine | 2013-01-09

Can''t get over him

LONG Story
I met him 6 years ago, had an up and down time till 2 1/2 years ago when he moved in with me and we settled into a relationship. it had it''s ups and downs but never thought more than usual relationship but in general highs were high and lows were low i suppose.
We had a son who was born in April 2012. He has a daughter from his marriage.
We moved in June/July and he started a new job end July and end August we moved into a new place, he seemed hesitant but all went ahead. We had friends over for a braai and house warming.
The next weekend we had an argument in the shops and when we got home he told me to leave so I packed my son and I left but within minutes he asked i come back. The night before I had read a message he had sent lady at his work, nothing untoward but thought strange at 9pm on a saturday.
The next weekend his mom came to meet me for first time and her grandchild and he was texting this woman again and the Thursday after small argument told me to leave again so I did the next day.
For 2 months he came to visit, took me out for lunches, I cooked for him and he was even kissing me in my new flat only to find out 4 days later he was with this woman from his work since just after we broke up and had been living with her for a month.
Now I am so hurt and left so confused as he says he was trying to see if we could fix things but don''t understand how when with another woman and this for 2 months and the next day called and said sorry and cried on phone, few days later he was still telling me he loves me and middle december he was saying he wanted to call me to go out with him but realised he can''t.
now all we do is fight over maintenance and visitation and this woman (i called her and had long chat)
My gut says he hasn''t let go of me emotionally but could all be a game to soften me till maintenance and visitation sorted.
Help im so confused

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Our expert says:
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To suddenly ask you to leave after a trivial argument, and then change his mind, suggests a difficulty with relationships and an intability that would be really problematic. GO to the Maintenance Court and get them to set an amount for the Maintenance he must pay you every month for the support of his child by you - that is for the child's benefit and may wake him up to remember that he has responsibilities towards both of you. Dont allow yourself to be manipulated by him, as you've found him to be deceitful and selfish in many ways. Pay far more attention to what he does than what he says.
Have maintenance and visitation sorted out by the court, with tyou assested by a lawyer if possible, and don't leave it to him as he'll continue to do only whatever pleases him the most.
I don't understand your later comment - if he lied about being divorced, then any suggestion he might marry you was a deliberate deception too.
Far too many men are enabled to wander round suiting themselves and using women for their pleasure, while ignoring their responsibilities.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Katherine | 2013-01-09

Sorry, forgot to mention he had lied about being divorced and i found out after we split the divorce was never finalised
There were few other issues which he seems to have lied about

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