Our expert says:
Presumably even if these other men are still around, she had ceased having a sexual or emotional relationship with them, despite their accessability, even before she met you.
Dating the boss is never a good idea, whether or not one is currrently dating someone else.
So I understand your feeling that she has been fairly consistently sexually active with more than one man, and, as in the case of the affair with the boss, without being greatly concerned about potential problems caused by such relationships.
As you recognize, there's neither fairness nor sense or utility in getting angry with her about her past - you weren't part of that, and it happened and is over with. What is legitimaely your concern is the present, and the only aspects of the past it would be fair for you to be concerned about would be where CURRENT behaviour reflects the past, where the past realistically predicts the present and future.
Has she genuinely changed ? Is the nature of her relationship with you actually different to her, than the previous relationships ?
Yes, she can't change her past - what happened is over and unhangeable. But she can change her present and future, and does sound reluctant to do so. There is no overwhelming need for her to maintain Facebook and other close relaionships with the men in her past - that makes them curent relationships, even if not necessarily sexual, rather than merely past relationships.
I hear that you feel you love her very much and want to spend your life with her - but I don't hear how she feels. Does she really express similar feelings of love towards you ? Does she truly want to spend her life with you from now on ?
What troubles me most is that it sounds as though she is uninterested in compromising at all, or in giving up the essentially trivial Facebook friendships or such current behaviours, to help you to feel better. That suggests an element of selfishness, of being uncaring about how you feel, valuing her minor fun activities more than your happiness and comfort.
I suggest you consider asking her to join you in some sessions of couples counselling, to see if this an be sorted ou, an whether she is capable of understanding how you ( very reasonably ) feel. IF she is unwilling to do that, then think carefully about continuing a relationship with someone who is maybe less loveable than you are assuming, and much less interested in your happiness than she is in her own.
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