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Question
Posted by: why | 2010/11/09

cant forgive

Ok so I told my boyfriend everything he wanted to know he knew that his nephew and I slept together a while before I even knew of his existence told him everything as it was the only way to stop him from constantly asking me quistions and crying about it and he is also now having nighmares about it as I am the girl that he wants to marry etc, I use to want that to but lately he is driving me mad i am so frustrated I dont want to talk about it anymore as it is hstory and I already worked through all these regrets myself and asked God for forgiveness the only way I see out of this is if we break up but I love him way too much for this he seems to struggle to work through this and he shouted when I mentioned he should go see a councelor how do one make someone forget YOUR own past??



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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

He sounds entirely inappropriately obsessed with your life and your sex life inparticular, long before he met you - crying and having nightmares about someone else's history is ridiculous on the face of it, and strongly suggests someone with enormous hangups he desperately needs to deal with in psychotherapy with a proper expert shrink, long before he is capable of forming a wholesome relationship with anyone.
Maybe a graceful way out of this is to tell him that you feel you really must break off the relationship because it is obvious that your past history is bringing him far too much pain. You will spend time on your own and come to terms with your past on your own, and you recommend that he should see a counsellor to deal with the awful hurt this seems to be causing him.
And be cautious - with these extreme over-reactions, he sounds not to be well balanced, and rather like a stalker, so he may not be safe to stay with or to leave. maybe consult a group ike POWA that advises abused women, because his reactions and behaviours, as you describe them, sound abusive.

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Our users say:
Posted by: just saying! | 2010/11/10

It is not his call to judge you about your past and so what you were in a relationship before, as if he wasnt in previous relationship, you need to make a stand and tell him to go fly a kite and grow up.
You need to stand up for yourself, you don not have to feel ashame of the past! ,He is arrogant and insecure!!

Reply to just saying!
Posted by: muistieties | 2010/11/10

I think he is very insecure, whether he will get over whatever your pas was, i doubt it, it is also very unfortunate that he don''t see you for who and what you are. Even if you do love him like you say, this behaviour will eventually hurt your relationship in future. He might cope somehow for now, but in the long run he aint gonna make it, probably keep blaming you. I don''t want you to break up with this guy, but maybe it might be a good thing and who know it just might change his attitude and realise how much he actually loves you, and that his behaviour was totally uncalled for.

Reply to muistieties
Posted by: two.stone | 2010/11/09

Hi, It sounds as if he is still quite young/immature. The trouble is that, he sounds like the kind of guy who is going to throw this in front of you every time you fight. I would seriously consider the future of this relationship. It takes a mature guy to deal with everyones past - including his own!

Reply to two.stone
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/11/09

He sounds entirely inappropriately obsessed with your life and your sex life inparticular, long before he met you - crying and having nightmares about someone else's history is ridiculous on the face of it, and strongly suggests someone with enormous hangups he desperately needs to deal with in psychotherapy with a proper expert shrink, long before he is capable of forming a wholesome relationship with anyone.
Maybe a graceful way out of this is to tell him that you feel you really must break off the relationship because it is obvious that your past history is bringing him far too much pain. You will spend time on your own and come to terms with your past on your own, and you recommend that he should see a counsellor to deal with the awful hurt this seems to be causing him.
And be cautious - with these extreme over-reactions, he sounds not to be well balanced, and rather like a stalker, so he may not be safe to stay with or to leave. maybe consult a group ike POWA that advises abused women, because his reactions and behaviours, as you describe them, sound abusive.

Reply to cybershrink

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