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Question
Posted by: B | 2012-05-17

Can''t believe I can be loved

I just can’ t bring myself to believe that I can be loved. He says it, he shows it, but I just can’ t believe it. I love him too and I want him to believe that I love him, but I can’ t believe that he loves me too. I don’ t know if it’ s because of my past experiences or what. What goes through my head is “ Ow please how could anyone possibly love me” . I am really convinced that it’ s not possible. My head says –  mxxx, he is just saying it but inside he is probably laughing at me and probably making a joke with his friends about me. He hasn’ t done anything to make me doubt him –  it’ s just these thoughts in my head. I know it’ s good to love and be loved, but what do you do if your head is fighting against it?

I successfully completed my CBT in 2010 - perhaps I need to revist my notes.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

IS it that you believe you are impossible for anyone to love ? OR that you find it hard to believe someone like him, when they say they love you ? The first suggests a mistrust of yourself, the second a mistrust of others.
Past experiences do indeed often influence either of these scenarios. Just because someone, even several ones, made fun of you or let you down, etc., before doesn't mean this guy will - too often in life we first of all ignore or under-estimate such risks, then over-estimate them.
CBT would be the recommended method - I must, therefore, doubt whether you actually "completed" that CBT previously, or you should have been able to avoid this situation, or at least to have dealt with it promptly and effectively. First revisit your notes, and if that isn't enough, revisit the therapist - or an even more skilled and experienced one.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012-05-17

IS it that you believe you are impossible for anyone to love ? OR that you find it hard to believe someone like him, when they say they love you ? The first suggests a mistrust of yourself, the second a mistrust of others.
Past experiences do indeed often influence either of these scenarios. Just because someone, even several ones, made fun of you or let you down, etc., before doesn't mean this guy will - too often in life we first of all ignore or under-estimate such risks, then over-estimate them.
CBT would be the recommended method - I must, therefore, doubt whether you actually "completed" that CBT previously, or you should have been able to avoid this situation, or at least to have dealt with it promptly and effectively. First revisit your notes, and if that isn't enough, revisit the therapist - or an even more skilled and experienced one.

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