Our expert says:
Dr Bets ? Did someone sneak a sex-change on me when I wasn't looking ? He was foolish to do so, you are foolish to keep the outrage going, perpetuating what happened, and preventing it from being over. If they have a child together, it is good and desirable that they communicate with each other when it is about the child. If you marry someone who already has a child with someone else, or if you choose to stay with someone who has a child by someone else, you must expect and accept this.
But it is you, not him, who are making things worse here. Who cares what she looks like or what she wears, or the other trivia of her life ? By you insisting on caring about this, you are dragging her back between you, rather than leaving her on the periphery where she belongs.
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