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Question
Posted by: Hookai | 2011/02/14

Can''t 4give &  angry

dear Dr Bets,
I cannot forgive my husband whom previously cheated on me with his ex. I want to believe that I am the only one he loves now " like he claims"  but it is very hard 4 me to accept that. I am also angry with the girlfriend whom always used their daughter to communicate to each other. It has been now 2 years that he''s trying to be a loving husband and help with household chores but it feels like his making things worse on my side. I am so much angry with the girlfriend that I think of myself inferior to her. I always curious of such things like who is she currently dating?, what kind of clothes does she wear or buy?, where does she work,? how much weight has she put or lost?, what type of hairstyle is she wearing,? In short, i''m curious of her lifestyle. Is this normal or should I seek further help?This is really disturbing to me &  it also affects my sex drive.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Dr Bets ? Did someone sneak a sex-change on me when I wasn't looking ? He was foolish to do so, you are foolish to keep the outrage going, perpetuating what happened, and preventing it from being over. If they have a child together, it is good and desirable that they communicate with each other when it is about the child. If you marry someone who already has a child with someone else, or if you choose to stay with someone who has a child by someone else, you must expect and accept this.
But it is you, not him, who are making things worse here. Who cares what she looks like or what she wears, or the other trivia of her life ? By you insisting on caring about this, you are dragging her back between you, rather than leaving her on the periphery where she belongs.

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4
Our users say:
Posted by: Hookai | 2011/02/16

That sounds so like a " black expert"  tx anyway

Reply to Hookai
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/02/15

Dr Bets ? Did someone sneak a sex-change on me when I wasn't looking ? He was foolish to do so, you are foolish to keep the outrage going, perpetuating what happened, and preventing it from being over. If they have a child together, it is good and desirable that they communicate with each other when it is about the child. If you marry someone who already has a child with someone else, or if you choose to stay with someone who has a child by someone else, you must expect and accept this.
But it is you, not him, who are making things worse here. Who cares what she looks like or what she wears, or the other trivia of her life ? By you insisting on caring about this, you are dragging her back between you, rather than leaving her on the periphery where she belongs.

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Cherry | 2011/02/14

Once a cheater, always a cheater - take some GOOD advice kick him out!!!!!

Reply to Cherry
Posted by: Liane | 2011/02/14

Well to answer your question it is normal to think about her and what she''s up to but its not healthy.

So they share a child, there is always going to be communication between them whether you like it or not, you are going to let go of your insecurities sometime or its going to eat you up inside.

So he cheated and you forgave him, you chose to do that so you have to live with it, Im sure if you found out it happened again you will kick him to the curb right?

Get some confidence going, work on yourself instead of worring what she''s up to, she never gave a hoot about you when she cheated with your hubby so WHY should you waste your time thinking about her.... There is a reason your hubby is still with you, so use it to your advantage...

All the Best

Reply to Liane

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