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Question
Posted by: nn | 2009/11/17

Cannot take the fights caused by his ex


I have been seeing a guy for 2 months now. He is 16 yrs older than me and has been separated from his ex wife sinvce Feb this year and the divorce was final + - 4 months ago. She cheated on him and left him for another guy after 22 yrs of marriage. So you can imagine how hurt he is and he cannot trust anyone. And I was not the cause of the divorce. I met this guy after he got divorced. He is so insecure with me that I feel like I am walking on egg shells. A few weeks ago a couple of us went out to a club and he saw he chatting to his cousin and automatically thought something was going on and so he physically attacked the both of us. I forgave him for that. But now his ex wife will call him and email him all day long begging for him to taker her back. He does not want her back. One day she will tell him that I am going to mess him around and I am just after his money. Then the next day she will apologise to him and say she is sorry she attacked me because she knows that I am innocent in all of this and I have not hurt anyone. Now at the end of September I went to an expo and she was there. Now today she is attacking me again, saying to my boyfriend that she saw me at the expo and I was all over another guy. I was there with a guy I have known for 10 years and I did tell my bf that I was going with my friend and I did invite my bf and he said no. Also I was only seeing my bf for 3 weeks then so it was still early days. I was not all over my friend and we have a kind of friendship that never crosses the lines with $ex and so on. My bf does not want to believe me –  he thinks because his ex cheated on him that all women will. I really do love him and will never hurt him. But his fights with his ex are starting to get to me and they are causing the two of us to fight. I hate fighting with him, I just cannot take this anymore. Why can’ t his ex leave us alone and stop attacking me for no good reason. I also do not know how to get my bf to stop from being so jealous.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Relationships ca be hard enough at the best of times. It is extremely difficult to form a lastingly happy relationship with someone on the rebound from an unhappy breakup and who has not yet worked through their problems, preferably with a counsellor. And clearly his ex is far from over this, and will not leave the pair of you alone. He has a lot of homework to do before he should be thinking of foming a new relationship

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: nn | 2009/11/17

He tells me how he loves me and wants ot be wiht me. He said that he has not felt like this for anyone in a long time. He says he needs me and it is nice to have someone with him while he is going through all this rubbish. I am just running out of ideas onhow to make this relationship work. From the beginning he did tell me that i needed to be patient and that he did not want to hurt to hurt me with the trouble his ex will cause. But i just find that all of this is becoming a bit too much for me.

Reply to nn
Posted by: cybershrink | 2009/11/17

Relationships ca be hard enough at the best of times. It is extremely difficult to form a lastingly happy relationship with someone on the rebound from an unhappy breakup and who has not yet worked through their problems, preferably with a counsellor. And clearly his ex is far from over this, and will not leave the pair of you alone. He has a lot of homework to do before he should be thinking of foming a new relationship

Reply to cybershrink

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