advertisement
Question
Posted by: Amy | 2011/02/14

Cannot engage with immediate colleagues

I work in Human capital as a facilitator. My problem is that for the longest time I have found it extremely difficult to relate to the staff in my dept. As i trainer I love standing up in front of people sharing information guiding them through the courses that I facilitate. but I have to be in the office i cringe- i don''t have anything in common with the people i ave to work with. they are alwasy talking about what they have, about dieting, fashion and about other people. non of these topics interest me- I could talk about current events- movies sports- my family. I have cut myself off from my colleagues when I have to be in the office I sit at my desk with my ear phones on... now this has become a huge problem - my senior manager has called in and said that everyone is sick and tired of the " leave me alone "  sign I carry around- I cannot afford to loose my job- I am single motherand a bredawinner at home - but this morning I could rather die than come to this place... i don''t know what to do...i cringe at he thought of having to go and suck up to everyone just to be accepted- I really do want to be left alone to do my work- do i have to be friends with everyone.

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Some people, indeed, are profoundly superficial, and obsessed with trivia and possessions. But they need and deserve facilitation, too. It sounds as though you enjoy being in charge when this involved standing in front of a classroom and controlling the interactions - but you feel uneasy in social situations where people chat about trivia. In part, maybe, because theh its not you who has the expertise or control. Yet surely it's a part of a facilitator's skills, to be able to listen and make pleasing, mild comments. You don't have to lead discussion on dieting or vapid celeibrities - but you can simulate mild interest and listen well ? Surely ?
Its about social niceness, NOT about "sucking up" to people.
You don't have to be friends with everyone, but you do have to be friendly with everyone.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

3
Our users say:
Posted by: JT.CPT | 2011/02/15

I always say you should never be friends with the people you work with, keep your personal and professional lives separate. This especially holds true if you have a lot of people working under you, being friends makes things difficult when you need to admonish/punish/fire someone.

That being said it is easier to be " friendly"  then gloomy all the time, as this creates an unpleasant atmosphere for everyone.

I would suggest you feign interest in what the people say but dont engage them in conversation, as this tells them that you are an open source they can come dump all their problems on. Also greet people warmly, this puts everyone at ease. If you do these two things the people will see you are friendly but also there to work and most people will respect that.

Reply to JT.CPT
Posted by: Freedom | 2011/02/14

Hy Amy

I feel EXACTLY the same way !! I have been working for this company for 10years and i hate working with these superficial people.
Everbody puts on this act. They pretend to be enthusiastic and everybody " LOVES"  everybody. We are just one " happy family"  here. WHATEVER.....
So yes, I feel with you.
I HATE coming to work in the mornings and I live for Friday''s. I actually feel sick on Sundays, just thinking that an entire week stretches ahead of me.
I love what I do and i have a cool job, but OH the people.
Outside of work I have no problem with people.
I think women in particular influence each other and the all become little clones of each other.

Reply to Freedom
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/02/14

Some people, indeed, are profoundly superficial, and obsessed with trivia and possessions. But they need and deserve facilitation, too. It sounds as though you enjoy being in charge when this involved standing in front of a classroom and controlling the interactions - but you feel uneasy in social situations where people chat about trivia. In part, maybe, because theh its not you who has the expertise or control. Yet surely it's a part of a facilitator's skills, to be able to listen and make pleasing, mild comments. You don't have to lead discussion on dieting or vapid celeibrities - but you can simulate mild interest and listen well ? Surely ?
Its about social niceness, NOT about "sucking up" to people.
You don't have to be friends with everyone, but you do have to be friendly with everyone.

Reply to cybershrink

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
advertisement