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Question
Posted by: Shazmangle | 2011/05/06

Cannot ejaculate during sex

Hi CyberShrink,

I posed this question to the Sexologist, but would like your opinion as well.

I was anti-depressant medication about two months (since stopped), and previously I had issues with low libido and delayed / non-existent ejaculation. I''m gay, just by the way.

I met someone during that time and decided to come off the medication. Thing is, I''m still having this problem. I''ve chatted to a psychologist about ''delayed ejaculation'' but I don''t think it''s a case of me not being comfortable with him. I did have some issues about sex, which I believe I have dealt with.

Today, I still don''t get intense pleasure from oral or anal sex. And I don''t ejaculate at all. Sex seems like a bit of a chore for him because of the problems that I''m having, and he''s told me that he feels that i''m not sexually attracted to him, which is not the case.

Oral sex is ''sore''... I get no pleasure from it. Maybe it still is psychological. I really don''t know what to do anymore. I don''t have a problem ejaculating when I masturbate & mdash  tried this to see if it was the medication side-effects or if it''s still psychological.

Do you have any recommendations on how I can deal with this, other than going for more counselling? Something that is more practical and I can try? I really want him to feel that he is pleasuring me. We''ve had a chat and I''ve told him that he does make me happy in many other ways. I just don''t want sex to be the downfall of this relationship. We do have a very open and honest relationship and I can talk to him.

Please help.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Firstly, on the isue of coming of the medication. You don't mention why you were taking it in the first place. If there is a properly diagnosed depression, one needs to take ADs for at least 6 to 9 months to reduce the risk of it coming back. But ADs are too often used loosely, especially by GPs, for a possible depression not expertly diagnosed, or for sad situations which need counselling rather than chemicals.
That you ejaculate when masturbating, proves that you are capable of ejaculation and the plumbing can work OK. If you dotn't ejaculate during sex ( either o a particular type or with a particular person, or indeed with anyone else ) this suggests psychological issues inhibiting the ejaculation, and would be best dealt with in counselling / psychotherapy.
I notice you say : " I really want him to feel that he is pleasuring me". If he was truly pleasurin you, or, rather, if you were truly feeling pleasured, you wouldn't even think of this nor need to worry about showing him or convincing him of the fact.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/05/07

Firstly, on the isue of coming of the medication. You don't mention why you were taking it in the first place. If there is a properly diagnosed depression, one needs to take ADs for at least 6 to 9 months to reduce the risk of it coming back. But ADs are too often used loosely, especially by GPs, for a possible depression not expertly diagnosed, or for sad situations which need counselling rather than chemicals.
That you ejaculate when masturbating, proves that you are capable of ejaculation and the plumbing can work OK. If you dotn't ejaculate during sex ( either o a particular type or with a particular person, or indeed with anyone else ) this suggests psychological issues inhibiting the ejaculation, and would be best dealt with in counselling / psychotherapy.
I notice you say : " I really want him to feel that he is pleasuring me". If he was truly pleasurin you, or, rather, if you were truly feeling pleasured, you wouldn't even think of this nor need to worry about showing him or convincing him of the fact.

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