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Question
Posted by: Bubbley | 2011/10/06

Can’ t handle the moods anymore!

How do I tell my boyfriend that I just cannot handle his moods anymore? I won’ t leave him, we love each other very much and we have built our little life together (house, pets, etc) but how do I tell him he has to do something? He gets upset if things don’ t go his way, which we all do, but he gets like REALLY upset and moody for AGES afterwards. Like I didn’ t want to go look at a car for him (while he’ s at work) and now he’ s miserable. Don’ t get me wrong, he doesn’ t expect me to run around for him (it just happens that I have more time on my hands) and he’ s had such bad luck with cars that he’ s just really looking forward to getting a new car, but he’ s so angry that I said no because the car is in a really bad area. He gets so depressed over things, it’ s so demoralizing and in all honesty, it’ s annoying to hear him complain all the time! I try to give him as much as possible (time for him to do his own thing, support, etc) but it’ s like none of that matters because he’ s too busy being upset at petty things, really. He does NOT want to go for counseling, I’ ve tried to comfort him when he’ s like this, I’ ve tried to ignore him when he’ s like this (but then I have to hear him mutter to himself), I’ ve tried to be tough and tell him stop being such a baby- nothing works. It makes me feel bad and annoyed because then I think I should’ ve just done it and avoid the drama, but at the same time he has to handle things like an adult. How do I tell him this so he takes me SERIOUSLY?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Just tell him, calmly but firmly. It sounds as though, although you respect his feelings, his reactions are exaggerated in degree and duration, and he would benefit, as well as you, by learning to moderate these and cope better with the routine disappointments of life. Anyone may be devastated by an earthquake missing an option on a car that MIGht have been good or useless, shouldn't induce the same degree of response.
And if he so wastes his emotional energies on relatively trivial disappointments, he will be less able to cope with really significant problems as they turn up. Its not really that he doesn't take you seriousl enough, but that he takes himself far too seriously. He sounds afar too concerned about his own convenience and far too little concerned about your own happiness or even safety - seriously evaluate this relationship, where it is and where it is going, with all the limitations he insists on placing on it, and ask yourself whether continuing this indefinitely is of any benefit to you, or indeed even to him, other than mere convenience.
And if he refuses counselling, then help him recognize that this is a refusal to improve, and a determination to remain miserable and to create misery for you and probably others who know him, too.
Sulking at length because you were wise enough not to go to a bad area and endanger yourself for a relatively unimportant chore, is very selfish.

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4
Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/10/08

Just tell him, calmly but firmly. It sounds as though, although you respect his feelings, his reactions are exaggerated in degree and duration, and he would benefit, as well as you, by learning to moderate these and cope better with the routine disappointments of life. Anyone may be devastated by an earthquake missing an option on a car that MIGht have been good or useless, shouldn't induce the same degree of response.
And if he so wastes his emotional energies on relatively trivial disappointments, he will be less able to cope with really significant problems as they turn up. Its not really that he doesn't take you seriousl enough, but that he takes himself far too seriously. He sounds afar too concerned about his own convenience and far too little concerned about your own happiness or even safety - seriously evaluate this relationship, where it is and where it is going, with all the limitations he insists on placing on it, and ask yourself whether continuing this indefinitely is of any benefit to you, or indeed even to him, other than mere convenience.
And if he refuses counselling, then help him recognize that this is a refusal to improve, and a determination to remain miserable and to create misery for you and probably others who know him, too.
Sulking at length because you were wise enough not to go to a bad area and endanger yourself for a relatively unimportant chore, is very selfish.

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Man | 2011/10/06

He is your boyfriend not your husband, so you are dating. As he has not committed to marriage and will not commit to councelling there is no future in this relationship. Also remember he was happy to send u 2 a bad area, this is not the action of a life partner who should be concerned for your safety. Deep down you know this is a non starter, find someone else to date who cares about your happiness.

Reply to Man
Posted by: Milly | 2011/10/06

Ooops! Posted to wrong question.

Reply to Milly
Posted by: Milly | 2011/10/06

My little died at the age of 16yrs old. I understand her loss I cried constantly. Especially when I saw another dog. My Hubby decided to take me to SPCA to choose an adult dog. The best thing I could have ever done. I realise she is elderly but is getting an older dog from one of the animal welfare orgainisations a possibilty? Good Luck.

Reply to Milly

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