Our expert says:
If you have previously been able to relax into this, or a former, sexual relationship then it would appear that feelings of anger and resentment are still, as you say, stored there somewhere... Both the male and female sexual response can be powerfully affected by such emotions or other feelings like inadequacy, fear, insecurity, mistrust, and so on. Many people cannot enjoy sexual intimacy if they don't, at the very least, feel safe (within the relationship/context) and trust that their partner cares about them and will not hurt them. It is said that the brain is the biggest sex organ, and if any part of ourselves (psychologically speaking) does not feel good, it may impact negatively on our ability to function sexually.
I would suggest several things:
1. 'Check in' with yourself to see if there are still some painful feelings about your husband (e.g. mistrust, lack of respect) or even yourself (e.g. guilt, inadequacy).
2. If you are sure that the pain is mostly gone (forgiven), then maybe you could discuss your sexual concerns with your husband and begin the sexual part of your relationship over, beginning slowly and moving at a pace that you are comfortable with. This would start with non-sexual but intimate activity first (e.g. holding hands, bathing together, kissing) and gradually (i.e. over weeks/months) move on to more sexual activity. Talking here is crucial.
3. If you still struggle, then perhaps some professional assistance might be required...
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