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Question
Posted by: Soekie | 2011/05/10

Can you survice emotional abuse?

Hi Doc,

Is there a way to survive emotional abuse if you have been a victim since 3 years to 18 years realistically (basically as far back as I remem I suffered being called the K word and told I was worthless and no one would want me in many ways ,for all those years)? I thought I was over it and accepted that I was permanently damaged by the whole thing but I was not going to let it rule my life , I was on anti-depressants and therapy sessions in my twenties- for a while and everything was looking up for me in the last 5 years career wise and independence. I’ m 31 living a pretty normal life and then I got into a serious relationship recently that ended suddenly and I was not even given a reason for the breakup. I have sunk into my old habits of depression and feeling unlovable and incapable of forming bonds with anyone but what also contributed to it is my parents who were my tormentors (I was the target child with 3 other siblings that didn''t experience the abuse) did a rotten thing recently and it brought back all the horrible memories of my past and it just feels like I will never be " normal"  no matter how hard I try to live a normal life which at the moment seems like just a dream to have family of my own one day and just be happy? Also how do I deal with my parents constantly finding ways to belittle me - should I cut off all contact completely - which is what I’ m going for now....I was the happiest I’ ve been for a while now feels like I''m in deep dark pit with no way out forever!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Fortunately, yes there is. "Accepting that it is true" helps to make it come true. Unfortunately though the earlier treatment sounds to have been useful, your recent experience with a human louse was perfectly designed to shake your self-confidence and re-awaken your old fears.
You are not unloveable, only unloved or insufficiently loved.
See a counsellor / therapist again, get treatment for depression again ( if indeed that has returned ) and discard the parents if they are still around and still toxic. They don't deserve you.
I wish there were more support groups of the sort you seek - maybe once you are stronger again, you could help to form one.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/05/11

Fortunately, yes there is. "Accepting that it is true" helps to make it come true. Unfortunately though the earlier treatment sounds to have been useful, your recent experience with a human louse was perfectly designed to shake your self-confidence and re-awaken your old fears.
You are not unloveable, only unloved or insufficiently loved.
See a counsellor / therapist again, get treatment for depression again ( if indeed that has returned ) and discard the parents if they are still around and still toxic. They don't deserve you.
I wish there were more support groups of the sort you seek - maybe once you are stronger again, you could help to form one.

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Truth | 2011/05/10

Hi Kasandra
Do you think it wise to post your personal email address on line?

Why not use the cybershrink annex for chatting?

Reply to Truth
Posted by: Mrs P | 2011/05/10

If you are a Christian, get hold of Joel Osteen''s books. He talks alot about prophesying positive things into your life and steering away fromn the negative.

He tells the story about an aquaintance of his who was super fit, in excellent shape, young and energetic, but whenever he asked his aquaintance how he was, the standard reply was " Old fat and bald. They lost contact for a few years, but when they met up again, guess what - he was old, fat and bald. You wil become what you tell yourself you are.

I wish you all the best, and I agree with the other people who have said, break the ties with what is not good for you. It makes perfect sense.

Reply to Mrs P
Posted by: Kasandra | 2011/05/10

Soekie I am 33, dont put too much pressure on yourself. When you are ready you will find love and happiness. My husband when we were dating use to tell me happiness and love comes from within and that is what you must strive for then everything else would fall into place.

You can email me if you want skoffeldrakie at yahoo dot com.

Reply to Kasandra
Posted by: Soekie | 2011/05/10

Thanks guys it means alot - I think if i could find a support group for victims with emotional abuse it would be easier. Just really hard it seems like it hurts more when you get older...

Reply to Soekie
Posted by: Kasandra | 2011/05/10

Soekie, first of all I want to tell you, you are NOT alone, dont feel like you are not ''normal'' you just had to cope with difficult emotional abuse which is the building bricks of the foundation you build your self value on.

Parents are suppose to build up your self esteem and incourage not break you down. In my house nothing was ever good enough, even trying to be ''perfect'' didnt work. I developed an eating disorder due to my dad''s constant critisisms and suffered from severe depression. I know how dark that hole can be where you feel you can never climb out of.

BUT

You can''t change your parents BUT you can change yourself. Maybe putting distance between you and your parents will be a good idea just for now.

Post here on this forum as Cybershrink really does good advice and help me so much over the years.

Good things will come your way, just work towards them.

Why dont you think of going for CBT Therapy.

When you learn to love yourself you will be free and trust me you will find that

Reply to Kasandra
Posted by: Lilly | 2011/05/10

Sweetheart ... from my experience, if something doesn''t serve - discard it! It''s harsh to say break bonds with your parents ... but if that''s what it takes to heal you, then do it NOW! I have a very dysfunctional father who did the same things to me and it took me 25 years to come to terms and understand that no matter what, he WON''T change - EVER! Heal yourself and find the happiness you deserve!!! Good luck girlfriend :)

Reply to Lilly

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