Posted by: unknown | 2009-04-29

can you please advise me.......

Im a 24yr old female and have been dating this guy for almost 2yrs.I met this guy through a friend and ever since that day we have been like soul mates. During the first yr of our relationship i found out that he is married. When i asked him he said that he said that he assumed that i was aware of that because the friend that introduced me to him might have told me. When i asked my friend she also said that she assumed he had told and that i had decided on my own to carry on with the relationship anyway.I decided to brake up with him when i found out abt his status but after a month we got back together again.I realy love this guy and he is the only guy that understands and knows me better than any may i have ever been with.After we got back together we decided not to discuss other people in our relationship and i started accepting the fact that he has a family and i respect that.The thing is i have accepted that in such a way that i would never want to leave his wife for me or for any other woman.My friends say that this is wierd but its how i feel and i even told him that if ever he decided to leave her i would leave him also.Last year December he started taking me to his house.At first i didn' t like it because i thought it was very disrespectful to her even though she was not around.He has made this a habit in such a way that he wants me to be there every weekend and sometimes the whole week.I' ve just recently found out that he is having problems with his wife and that she asked him to move out, she is also filing for a devorce.The thing is he has never said anything to me about this even though of the times i have spent with him i have seen that he is not well emotionaly.He loves his wife i know that and he still want to work things out with her.If the problems that they are having with had got to do with me i know he was going to tell me because he knows i wouldn' t want that to happen.I have also heard that she has decided to move on with her life and thinks that there marriage was a mistake.I dont think that i would be able to carry on with the relationship knowing that he is a bachelor at least when he had his wife i knew that if he was not with he would be at home with her but now im not sure if i can stand him seeing another.I want to brake up with him but im afraid he will be hurt because he feels like i am the only person who is there for him now and that i should be happy that we are spending more time together than before.I still love him but i dont want to get married and i dont want to be wife number 2 anyway.Besides he is just not my level he is too higher than me even though he says love has nothing to do with that.I know i will get married to a single man.Should i break up with him or stay and see if our relationship will improve in anyway?Wo' nt people say i am the reason he devorsed how do i deal with that?

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Our expert says:
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A soulmate lied to you about already being married ? What sort of soul is that ?
And don't imagine he will ever treat you any better than he has treated his present unhappy wife. Why are you so concerned not to hurt his feelings ( assuming that he has feelings, at least for himself ) when he hasn't realy cared about your feelings, and hasn't care dat all about the feelings of his wife ? You don't know how he feels, only what he has told you, which is not the same thing at all.
Why do you assume that this relationship will improve in the future ?
Liza, there is a world of difference between polygamy done openly and officially and formally, and cheating on one's wife. Does his wife ( who probably has not even been told about this relatonship ) consider herself to be within a polygamous marriage ? How sure are you that there are no other "wives" in this man's life ?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Anonymous | 2009-04-30

you are a confused gal... or rather btch!!!!

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: LOL | 2009-04-29

You go girl. You dont have to worry about nothing, dump him and move on with your life. He used you, and you used him . All is fair in love and war.

Reply to LOL
Posted by: Anonymous | 2009-04-29


Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Realist | 2009-04-29

What stops him from doing to you what he has done to his wife ? Do you believe that you are any different ? If he is a lying cheat, which he clearly is, he will carery on like thsat as it suits him. Try to salvage what little self respect you may still have and leave him alone to make his own way. Surely you can see he is just using you ?

Reply to Realist
Posted by: Anonymous | 2009-04-29

like she said she never knew he was married and by then had already fell in love with him ...yes she should have cut ties with the guy once she knew but its easier said then done!!!!have a bit of heart for her!

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: A | 2009-04-29


How could YOU!!!

Reply to A
Posted by: Kelly | 2009-04-29

That' s just totally messed up!
Sorry to judge but you are just wrong!!!
Still being with him and knowing he is married!
He is even worse!
You guys deserve each other I must say.
Gosh!I am a very open minded person but this is just wrong people!Why would you love a guy that has no respect for his wife and kids, he dsnt have any for you either or himeself!
I am just totally disgusted.
I think that what you doing/done will all come back to you.
Karma has a way of getting around.
Again sorry but I just had to say something and I' m being nice here.

Reply to Kelly
Posted by: Anonymous | 2009-04-29

My advise is break up with him and if you really feel bad about that then you can iether suggest counselling for him or try being his friend.The fact that he never mentioned anything to you is probabrly because he still loves her and emotionally drained as he doesnt know what to do ..the easiet is running to you so that he doesnt have to think about his situation -sorry dont mean to hurt your feelings but Like the previous mailer said move on yourself you desrve better someone who can give you you deserve in terms of being married to you,sharing moments with you and being honest.Hope this helps.

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Liza | 2009-04-29

Okay everyone - BEFORE jumping on her because mostly it' s considered bad to have an affair with a married man, please remember that polygamy is perfectly acceptable according to some cultures. Her attitude is also exemplary in the polygamous sense since she does not want him to get a divorce.

unknown - even though your actions could be defended, please remember that his wife had a relationship with him first and that she did not sign up to sharing him. Only you did that. If his wife knows about you and uses that as grounds for the divorce, you' re going to have to accept that you are at least partially responsible for the breakup in his marriage. Also remember that many men who cheat on their partners find nothing funny about cheating on the next partner!

The mention that he is on a ' higher'  level is also worrying. No-one should feel that they are on a higher or lower level. Equality should be very important in any relationship. Perhaps discussing this along with your expectations in a relationship with a psychologist is a good idea. I personally feel that you deserve better and need to come to the same conclusion, which would lead to a happier life.

Good Luck

Reply to Liza

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