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Question
Posted by: Dude | 2011/10/04

Can we help this man?

Myself and a few others are kind of friends with this guy but hes one of those guys that really embarrass himself with elaborate stories he obviously makes up along the way and hes one of those guys who makes jokes that no one thinks is funny but we laugh anyway not to embarrass him. He has deep self loathing and is always trying to please people by paying for things when he doesn’ t have the money (we always meet at each others houses so we don’ t have to spend money but he will still go out to a bar anyway), so on. I really pity him but he has put himself in this position I guess…  anyway I doubt he’ ll go for counseling and his health is really bad. He has angina but still doesn’ t look after himself…  I gather that he wants his youth back, he feels bad because he was adopted and what not but honestly he had good parents, a good mother who spoilt him rotton and for petes sake hes nearly 50…  is there anything we can do for him? We all have sober habits hes the only odd one out so its not even like we’ re bad influences.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sad, but I'm sure we've all known blokes like that. And yes, he obviously does need counselling, but that can't work unless and until he recognizes that he needs such help, and decides to sincerely take part in it. You guys probably know him at least as well as anyone - would he listen to anything you folks might say ? If you don't drink and suggest its more fun to be together without alcohool, would he pay any attention ? Could you guys talk about someone else, maybe someone he doesn't know, but who you heard about, who had some similar problems to him, and has been doing so well with counselling ?
But folks with a bee in their bonnet like this are hard to help, as I say, until they recognize that these are problems, not facts of life, and can be changed and need to change
What do other readers think ?

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: Charlotte | 2011/10/04

I think because of his age, it is going to be rather difficult to change him and his ways, so because you guys are his friends, I suggest you live with it. Only if and when he understands that he actually has huge issues and acknowledges that I can''t see that he will change. Just love and support the guy, u are his buddies right?
Go well

Reply to Charlotte
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/10/04

Sad, but I'm sure we've all known blokes like that. And yes, he obviously does need counselling, but that can't work unless and until he recognizes that he needs such help, and decides to sincerely take part in it. You guys probably know him at least as well as anyone - would he listen to anything you folks might say ? If you don't drink and suggest its more fun to be together without alcohool, would he pay any attention ? Could you guys talk about someone else, maybe someone he doesn't know, but who you heard about, who had some similar problems to him, and has been doing so well with counselling ?
But folks with a bee in their bonnet like this are hard to help, as I say, until they recognize that these are problems, not facts of life, and can be changed and need to change
What do other readers think ?

Reply to cybershrink

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