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Question
Posted by: sarag | 2011/09/11

can u help me

hi .. im 25 years old i have an 11 month old little boy ... i recently went on holiday came home for a few days then returned again for another week been home aweek and booked again, people are voicing conern for me.. saying i shouldnt want to leave my baby and its not normal behavior and ive turned in to a really cold person .. im not sure if what im doing is wrong but im not going to stop living my life because i have a baby. hes left with family members and is well looked after.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Some people are often suspiciously eager to label others as abnormal. But it sounds odd to go ( if I understand you correctly ) away for 3 separate 1 week holidays, apparently at the same place ( you must have a marvellous salary and leave allowance ). Anyhow, They are right that very few women indeed would agree to leave their 11 month-old baby, even with loving and caring family, to go away for even 1 week of holiday and leave the child behind. You don't mention a father, so presumably you're a single mother, too.
Most moms would not want to leave their child behind.
Its especially revealing when you write "I'm not going to stop living my life because I have a baby". This is odd and worrying. If you want to live a carefree and irresponsible life as a single woman, you are free to do so - and dont have a baby. Once you have a child, you have inescapable duties of care and love towards that child. "My life" is now a new way of life INCLUDING the child. The way you speak of it suggests there's your real life which you live alone, with pals, partying and on holiday, and some other life when you are with the child. That's not how it works. Most moms would be happy to and indeed prefer to, take the child with them on holiday. Yes, they couldn't then drink and party all night - but when you start having children, its time to be much les childish oneself, and that includes less devotion to partying and clubbing and drinking, and more time learning to be a real adult.
Maybe these other people are doing you a favour to bring to your attention something it seems you really wan to ignore, that you are choosing to behave selfishly and in an immature fashion, rather than face the realities of being a responsible mother.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Just me | 2011/09/14

I have two children - the oldest is 2 and a half and the baby is 6 months. I never wanted children.

However, since my first child was born I have never left him with anyone else for even one night, except when his brother was born and I was in hospital for 2 nights. And I hated to be apart from him.

My children are my life now and I dont want it any other way. They are MINE and no one else will love them and care for them as I do.

You are not a mom and should consider what you are doing to your child..

Reply to Just me
Posted by: Just Me | 2011/09/12

So now you are doing the exact same to your son, as was done to you by your parents. He will probably feel the same about you one day as you feel about your parents.

Reply to Just Me
Posted by: Anon | 2011/09/12

My parents were always away when I was growing up. Going on holidays and outings with their friends all the time. I practically raised myself from the time I was a teenager.
I do not have a good relationship with both my parents because of this. I always thought I was not good enough for them to have me with them.
The same happened to my little brother. At least we have my aunt but she is not my mother and I wish my mother had unconditional love like she has for us. I don''t mean that she mustn''t do the things she likes but if she could at least notice that I have feelings and sometimes just want to hang out with her, just doing nothing... Just chatting.

I think I was just a mistake and she regrets having me and my brother. But too ashamed to admit it. Material things does not replace love, not by a long short...

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Opinion | 2011/09/11

It was probably wrong for you to have a baby with your attitude. However the baby is here, it is now time to do the right thing and become a good responsible mom. Yes others are judging you negatively, rightly so. You will continue to be judged harshly if you continue to behave this way. What does the father say?

Reply to Opinion
Posted by: Obvious | 2011/09/11

You do not stop living your life when u have a baby, they become your life. This involves including your baby in your holiday plans not excluding the child.
You are being selfish and immature - time to grow up, the partying stage of your life is over. Learn to be a responsible mother.

Reply to Obvious
Posted by: Kelly | 2011/09/11

Yes, what you are doing is wrong. Your baby isn''t even a year old and you are going on holiday left, right and centre- are you going to bother being at home when your child is old enough to look after himself? During this time your baby bonds with you- you are his mother and you aren''t even around! Shame on you! Your baby is YOUR responsibility, not your families responsibility! You should have thought about ''your life'' BEFORE you decided to get pregnant!

Reply to Kelly
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/09/11

Some people are often suspiciously eager to label others as abnormal. But it sounds odd to go ( if I understand you correctly ) away for 3 separate 1 week holidays, apparently at the same place ( you must have a marvellous salary and leave allowance ). Anyhow, They are right that very few women indeed would agree to leave their 11 month-old baby, even with loving and caring family, to go away for even 1 week of holiday and leave the child behind. You don't mention a father, so presumably you're a single mother, too.
Most moms would not want to leave their child behind.
Its especially revealing when you write "I'm not going to stop living my life because I have a baby". This is odd and worrying. If you want to live a carefree and irresponsible life as a single woman, you are free to do so - and dont have a baby. Once you have a child, you have inescapable duties of care and love towards that child. "My life" is now a new way of life INCLUDING the child. The way you speak of it suggests there's your real life which you live alone, with pals, partying and on holiday, and some other life when you are with the child. That's not how it works. Most moms would be happy to and indeed prefer to, take the child with them on holiday. Yes, they couldn't then drink and party all night - but when you start having children, its time to be much les childish oneself, and that includes less devotion to partying and clubbing and drinking, and more time learning to be a real adult.
Maybe these other people are doing you a favour to bring to your attention something it seems you really wan to ignore, that you are choosing to behave selfishly and in an immature fashion, rather than face the realities of being a responsible mother.

Reply to cybershrink

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