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Question
Posted by: DU | 2010-03-19

Can some really fall out of love?

I broke up with my long term hubby last year August, from that time he''s bee begging me come come back to him then on January I decided to give him a third chance. The problem is I dont love him at all, I dont even have a feeling for him. We got intimate on Feb but it felt like I was forcing myself. I didnt feel anything for him. What must I do? He never satisfied me sexually before. He is loving and caring, not smoking or drinking, not cheating( as far as I knew), but with a small dick. He will give me ONE round then he is done, he will for the whole night.Please help me

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

There are two seperate, but linked, issues here.

In relation to the sexual aspect: It sounds like you are judging this man based on things which are entirely out of his control and are infact normal - his penis is likely to be of average size (10-15 cm when erect is normal) but some women have an unnecessary expectation that a larger penis is better. This does not have to be true - a woman's vagina is soft and supple and does not need to be stretched by a 'large' penis in order to enjoy the sensation. She needs to focus on the sensations, give constructive feedback to her lover so that he knows what to do to please her, and be active in the lovemaking. I'm afraid women are all too often part of the very unhelpful cycle of placing unrealistic and unfair expectations on their men to please them, and often without considering what THEY can do to improve the situation too. It is quite normal that a man will loose his erection after orgasm. This is usually problematic if he has reached orgasm before she has - this too can be worked on together. So as far as the sexual satisfaction goes, it may be that he has some learning to do, but the way you write about it, I think you probably do too.

With regards the feelings - yes the 'in love' feelings of the beginning of the relationship almost always decline in women, especially when they are in a safe committed relationship. In otherwords, if you enter into another safe & committed relationship, in time those 'lustful' feelings will in all likelihood diminish too. What usually keeps relationships going when these feelings decline is the love and attachment that you have with that partner. That too can go if the relationship is not taken care of by BOTH parties.

Claire - SASHA

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: DU | 2010-03-26

I dont want to sacrifice my happiness, the problem is how many times willl I change men as the one I love too much als lied to me? I cant change men like socks you know!

Reply to DU
Posted by: DU | 2010-03-26

I dont want to sacrifice my happiness, the problem is how many times willl I change men as the one I love too much als lied to me? I cant change men like socks you know!

Reply to DU
Posted by: Casper | 2010-03-23

He wont, he is keeping you by threatening to kill himself, so he clearly dont have the guts to act like a man.
Question is, do you want to sacrifice your happiness for his childish selfishness?

Reply to Casper
Posted by: DU | 2010-03-23

I f I try to leave him he threatens to kill me or himself

Reply to DU
Posted by: DU | 2010-03-23

I f I try to leave him he threatens to kill me or himself

Reply to DU
Posted by: Casper | 2010-03-19

Yes it is possible to fall out of love with someone.
If you dont love him, you just causing damage to both of you being with him.
Rather be on your own till you find a person you love.
I wonder what caused you to loose respect for him, it was most probably not his size cause I had experience on varsity where myself and two close friends slept with the same girl randomly and once at the same time, she said " M"  was the better although he is the smallest, she said me and the other guy didnt know what we were doing, so she taught us.
Move on, no use being with him.

Reply to Casper
Posted by: Anon | 2010-03-19

then there is your answer quite clearly...

Reply to Anon
Posted by: DU | 2010-03-19

I don''t have any respect for him since we grew up and stayed together for a very long time, sometimes I take as my brother.

Reply to DU
Posted by: DU | 2010-03-19

I don''t have any respect for him since we grew up and stayed together for a very long time, sometimes I take as my brother.

Reply to DU
Posted by: anon | 2010-03-19

when you lose respect for your partner you cannot love them, its impossible to love someone without respecting them.

Teh question is really, have you lost respect, or ever had any for him?

Reply to anon
Posted by: Sexologist | 2010-03-19

There are two seperate, but linked, issues here.

In relation to the sexual aspect: It sounds like you are judging this man based on things which are entirely out of his control and are infact normal - his penis is likely to be of average size (10-15 cm when erect is normal) but some women have an unnecessary expectation that a larger penis is better. This does not have to be true - a woman's vagina is soft and supple and does not need to be stretched by a 'large' penis in order to enjoy the sensation. She needs to focus on the sensations, give constructive feedback to her lover so that he knows what to do to please her, and be active in the lovemaking. I'm afraid women are all too often part of the very unhelpful cycle of placing unrealistic and unfair expectations on their men to please them, and often without considering what THEY can do to improve the situation too. It is quite normal that a man will loose his erection after orgasm. This is usually problematic if he has reached orgasm before she has - this too can be worked on together. So as far as the sexual satisfaction goes, it may be that he has some learning to do, but the way you write about it, I think you probably do too.

With regards the feelings - yes the 'in love' feelings of the beginning of the relationship almost always decline in women, especially when they are in a safe committed relationship. In otherwords, if you enter into another safe & committed relationship, in time those 'lustful' feelings will in all likelihood diminish too. What usually keeps relationships going when these feelings decline is the love and attachment that you have with that partner. That too can go if the relationship is not taken care of by BOTH parties.

Claire - SASHA

Reply to Sexologist

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