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Question
Posted by: Hopefull but Desperate | 2011/03/18

Can one spouse save this marriage?

My wife told me about 9 months ago that she feels no love or compassion for me, &  wants a divorce. She says it’ s because of the way I''ve treated her in the past, but now I am a God-fearing person and I try really hard to please her and do good to my family. I know that I did not treat her well previously, but now all my efforts to reconcile have been in vain &  she is adamant that she does not want to be married anymore. We have been married for 6 years and have 2 beautiful daughters &  I do not want our family to be broken up. We have both been for counseling recently - individually and as a couple. But this has stopped now as we do not have the money to continue the sessions at the moment. The counselor has advised that we should separate, but I do not want to be without my wife and children and I feel there is still hope because we haven''t tried our best yet, but she has lost faith in me and doesn''t trust me anymore and she sees no hope of reconciling. I still love her very much and my feelings toward her hasn’ t changed one bit. Will she ever have a change of heart? Is there any hope in saving this marriage when I am the only one who wants to make an effort to patch things up and resolve our conflicts?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I agree with Truth. You can't do it alone. Otherwise, you're up there on the dance floor, doing a tango all on your own. Maybe there are some reasons for someone to fall out of love, but not out 0f compassion. If your wife is adamant to end the marriage, you can't stop it, and won't be allowed to find happiness in it if you could. But the issue of custody and access to the children till needs to be decied by a court.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Tom | 2011/03/22

I feel for you my friend. Just accept it your wife does not want the marriage anymore and move on. The longer you delay the moving on part, the worse it will be for you. Accepting the situation now will give you adequate time to dust yourself off and to start a new chapter in your life, probably a better one too. You will also begin to recognise all the bad and the good of your previous marriage and find a way of finding happiness in a new relationship. The more you hang on in this marriage, the worst things will be for you. ALL THE BEST

Reply to Tom
Posted by: Romany | 2011/03/22

I hope many people will read this post.
One can take so much from someone you love and then all of a sudden aeverything just dies........
Treat the ones you love like every day is your last day together.
Sorry to hear about your problems " Hopefull but Desperate"  but I agree with " Helper" , I can see from your mail that your wife has reached the " point of no return" , you need to accept this and respect this. Learn from this and next time, start off right.
Good Luck

Reply to Romany
Posted by: Helper | 2011/03/19

I feel helpless to be honest. Very sorry to hear about your situation.. What I would suggest is that you face the fact and regard it as final. By doing this you will be able to start the process of coming to terms with the situation and then you will be able to move on and hopefully find someone else. You have clearly learned a painful lesson in relationships and that you will start off on the right foot the next time. Sorry man. Good luck.

Reply to Helper
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/03/19

I agree with Truth. You can't do it alone. Otherwise, you're up there on the dance floor, doing a tango all on your own. Maybe there are some reasons for someone to fall out of love, but not out 0f compassion. If your wife is adamant to end the marriage, you can't stop it, and won't be allowed to find happiness in it if you could. But the issue of custody and access to the children till needs to be decied by a court.

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Truth | 2011/03/18

One spouse cannot fix a broken marriage. Both parties have to want to make things work.
If she is adamant she does not want to be married there is nothing u can do.

Reply to Truth

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