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Question
Posted by: Raven | 2011/09/14

Can Hubby have Friend as a woman?

I saw hubby''s fone with messages from a known woman friend of his. He says they are just friends but I am not convinced, she tells him everything in her life &  seeks his advice constantly, she is involved with someone as well, they call each other lpet names, &  socialse often, he says thery are geninely just firiends but I dnt think so. He has cheated on me before with someone else, so my confidence and insecurities are all coming back to me, i dnt feel in control anymore and just want the earth to open &  swallow me up. I love him,&  he says he loves me but then why all the mesages of caring and concern and meets. Cannot trust him and thinking abt just leaving him although we have kids together- dnt want to hurt our kids, What should I do, I need advice please please help

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Obviously anyone has some friends, and usually they may include men and women ( there being reatively few alternatives ). But a loving spouse would not continue a relationship, even if only friendly, with someone if it clearly upset their spouse. Pet names and deep confidences are more than a usual mild friendship, especially as he has a history of cheating and ought to want to reassure you and give you no grounds for suspicion or concern. Surely marriage counselling is indicated, and you should push him to join you in this ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Daisy | 2011/12/12

Im terribly sorry to tell you this but your husband is having an affair with this woman. If not a physical affair yet its definately an emotional affair. The emotional affair in my opinion is worse and seldom goes without sex for long. Take a stand and take care of yourself. Love yourself first.

Reply to Daisy
Posted by: Phil | 2011/09/15

Be worried  very worried. This  is how all affairs begin. (if not already)

Reply to Phil
Posted by: Romany | 2011/09/14

This is probably little comfort to you, but it IS nornally the good wives that find their husbands unfaithfull.
I agree with maria. He needs to stop all contact with this woman immediately if he loves and respects you.
If this woman is married or involved, I see nothing wrong with you telling her husband/boyfriend.
If she is NOT involved.... you can be sure that she wants your husband.
your husband on the other hand is most flattered by the woman''s attention and as most men go... wants his bread buttered on both sides.
Good luck, this is not a nice situation and does not make you a failure.

Reply to Romany
Posted by: Maria | 2011/09/14

Raven, if a husband has an affair then it says more about him than about you. If his needs are not being met within the marriage then either you should work on your marriage, together, or he should get out. Read a book called The Five Love Languages, ask him to fill out the questionnaire with you, and see what you can get out of it in order to better meet each other''s needs.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Raven | 2011/09/14

thanks for the advice,
i wish I did not see those messages, maybe ignorance is bliss?
feel like a failure as a wife, i try to do my best to be a good wife, but maybe i am not good enough, interesting or sexy for him to keep friendships like this,
too much too handle for me..

Reply to Raven
Posted by: Maria | 2011/09/14

If your husband really loves and respects you, he will put your wishes ahead of his friendship with this other woman. If he wants to socialise with her, surely he should include you? Marriage counselling maybe?

Reply to Maria
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/09/14

Obviously anyone has some friends, and usually they may include men and women ( there being reatively few alternatives ). But a loving spouse would not continue a relationship, even if only friendly, with someone if it clearly upset their spouse. Pet names and deep confidences are more than a usual mild friendship, especially as he has a history of cheating and ought to want to reassure you and give you no grounds for suspicion or concern. Surely marriage counselling is indicated, and you should push him to join you in this ?

Reply to cybershrink

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