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Question
Posted by: Maureen | 2011/04/28

Can he be HIV Positive and keep it to himself???

I have been going out with him for one and a half year and we have been using a condom since day one. Some time last week we ran out of condoms and it was in the mid of the night after doing a very hot fourplay. I wanted him so bad but because we did not have protection we couldn’ t then the next day I asked him if we can do an HIV test together and he said HE DOES NOT WANT TO DO IT HE IS FINE THE WAY HE IS HE DOES NOT NEED TO KNOW HIS STATUS. I felt very bad and I told him how I feel and I ended up asking him about his ex girlfriend if they have been using a condom for the 3years that they have been together and he said NO they didn’ t and he kept on saying he does not want to do same mistake of not using a condom again. I really love him and wish he can be honest with me. Can he be HIV positive? NB: He has some swollen glands in the back of his ears.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I hope you will also post this question on our HIV forum, and with Cyberdoc our GP, as it goes beyond the expertise o a psychiatrist.
If I understand you, you're saying with this particular guy, you have often had sex but always using a condom ( which does indeed valuably reduce the risk of contracting HIV, if either of you are Positive, and if neither of you are having sex with anyone else. )
Remember the general rule that in the Age of Aids, every time you have sex with someone, you're also having sex with everyone else he or she have ever had sex with.
If he has been having unprotected sex with his ex ( and you don't know who she has had sex with ) she might be positive, and he might have become infected by her. There are various possible causes of swollen glands behind his ears, but his fear of having proper testin suggests that he may wither know he is positive, or fear that he may well be positive. Maybe his wise insistence on using a condom is intended to protect you, though the protection can never ben 100 %.
Get tested yourself, and continue to persuade him to also be tested. Knowledge is power and ignorance ( of your HIV status ) disempowers both of you

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: Liza | 2011/04/28

Swollen glands could mean anything, BUT it is rather suspicious that he isn''t willing to go for a test together. Either he suspects that he IS positive and that is why he doesn''t want to go for the test OR he knows he''s positive and that is why he doesn''t want to go for a test. Personally, if my partner didn''t want to go for a test, he wouldn''t be my partner any longer. If you cannot trust your partner (and I wouldn''t trust someone who isn''t willing to be tested) then why be in a relationship at all?

Good Luck
Liza

Reply to Liza
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/04/28

I hope you will also post this question on our HIV forum, and with Cyberdoc our GP, as it goes beyond the expertise o a psychiatrist.
If I understand you, you're saying with this particular guy, you have often had sex but always using a condom ( which does indeed valuably reduce the risk of contracting HIV, if either of you are Positive, and if neither of you are having sex with anyone else. )
Remember the general rule that in the Age of Aids, every time you have sex with someone, you're also having sex with everyone else he or she have ever had sex with.
If he has been having unprotected sex with his ex ( and you don't know who she has had sex with ) she might be positive, and he might have become infected by her. There are various possible causes of swollen glands behind his ears, but his fear of having proper testin suggests that he may wither know he is positive, or fear that he may well be positive. Maybe his wise insistence on using a condom is intended to protect you, though the protection can never ben 100 %.
Get tested yourself, and continue to persuade him to also be tested. Knowledge is power and ignorance ( of your HIV status ) disempowers both of you

Reply to cybershrink

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