Our expert says:
I hope you will also post this question on our HIV forum, and with Cyberdoc our GP, as it goes beyond the expertise o a psychiatrist.
If I understand you, you're saying with this particular guy, you have often had sex but always using a condom ( which does indeed valuably reduce the risk of contracting HIV, if either of you are Positive, and if neither of you are having sex with anyone else. )
Remember the general rule that in the Age of Aids, every time you have sex with someone, you're also having sex with everyone else he or she have ever had sex with.
If he has been having unprotected sex with his ex ( and you don't know who she has had sex with ) she might be positive, and he might have become infected by her. There are various possible causes of swollen glands behind his ears, but his fear of having proper testin suggests that he may wither know he is positive, or fear that he may well be positive. Maybe his wise insistence on using a condom is intended to protect you, though the protection can never ben 100 %.
Get tested yourself, and continue to persuade him to also be tested. Knowledge is power and ignorance ( of your HIV status ) disempowers both of you
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