Posted by: Wondering | 2009-05-04

Can compulsive liars change?

Hi Doc

I was just wondering if a compulsive liar can change his ways? I think my ex is a compulsive liar, because I recently found out that he basically lies about everything. I dated him for 3 years and I found out that he cheated on me all that time, I found out because I recently spoke to one of his ex' s who dated him while he was dating me and she mentioned that he was dating another girl as well, so I don' t know how many people he lied about, but he covered up his tracks very good. He doesn' t even think before he lies, it just comes naturally to him. I don' t dare to confront him because he gets too angry if I doubt his honesty, he says if I dont trust him then we can' t be friends and then he doesn' t want to talk to me anymore. He will never ever admit that he lied and will always blame me for having trust issues even if I have proof that he lied. There is no way for me to get him to stop lying because he gets too upset when I even metion the fact that he' s not telling the truth, so is there maybe a chance that he will stop lying on his own? He is 34 now and as far as I know he has been lying for about 15 years that I know of, but it could have started he a hopeless case or is there still hope that maybe one day he will admit that he' s a liar and change?

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Our expert says:
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Why would he want to change ? With compelling reasons to genuinely want to change, people don't tend to change in convenient ways. Why on earth are you still with a chronic liar and cheater ? Don't you realize that you eserve far more than that ? How many lies are you prepared to sit through, hoping in vain that a miracle will occur ? So long as you continue to accept his lying, why would he ever want to change ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Realist | 2009-05-05

Who cares unless you are the liar ?

Reply to Realist
Posted by: Are you being truthful ? | 2009-05-05

I wonder ? Normal people who have finished with a relationship tend to forget abpout their ex and what harm they are doing to themselves or what they are doing. Its not healthy to keep on obsessing and wanting " to help"  I think you are not being entirely honest with yourself and that deep down you still care and love him enough to worry yourself over his lies. He sounds like a jerk and a loser. Forget about him and move on

Reply to Are you being truthful ?
Posted by: Wondering | 2009-05-04

Hi thanks for the replies.
But yes he is now my ex-boyfriend, we have been broken up for almost 2 years now and I am not planning to ever go into a relationship with him again because yes I do know I deserve better. But I also feel that a compulsive liar has an illness and I cannot judge him for the way he is and I am willing to be his friend even though he is a liar, because other than his lies he is actually a great person and has helped me through a lot in my life. He is not a bad person, he just struggles to be honest with people and I know that there must be a root to his problem, so I was just wondering if it was possible for him to ever change.

I know most people don' t understand why he would still be in my life because they probably judge people that lie or hurt them, but I can' t do that, I look at the deeper underlying issues and stand by them through it but protecting myself and not trusting them again. I am a Social Work student and I have compassion for people and want to help them where I can, even the ones that aren' t honest, so I feel the need to help him if there is a way for him to change, that is why I wanted to that I can help out my friend.

Thanks for the responses.

Reply to Wondering
Posted by: Liza | 2009-05-04

No, compulsive liars do not change.

Break all contact with him and continue with your life. You don' t need someone like this in your life!

Good Luck

Reply to Liza
Posted by: Anonymous | 2009-05-04

He is now your ex - ' hello'  leave the rubbish alone!

Reply to Anonymous

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