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Question
Posted by: Pamela | 2012-04-17

Can a abuser change?

I lived with an abusive guy for 6 years. We have now broken up, and he is living with someone else, and has stopped drinking. My question is: can he have changed enough to not assault his new girl friend?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Its vanishingly unlikely. Maybe, if alcohol was a very large part of his previous anger and violence, and if he has totally and permanently stopped drinking alcohol ( its much easier for him to claIm to have done so than to actually do it ) it may be a bit less likely, but I wouldn't want my daughter or friend to take such a chance.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Cheri | 2012-04-20

I was in an abusive relationship for 5 years, it took me that long to realise that he would never change..... n its now six months later... i still believe there is no way they can change

Reply to Cheri
Posted by: Roses | 2012-04-18

Yes I think he can change, I was married and lived with an abuser for 10 years we divorced before we killed each other, he married someone else whom I am in contact with, the new wife endured abuse for 2 years and the last time it happened she called her two brothers to sort him out and he never touched her again, they are now still married after 9 years and she claims they are very happy.

Reply to Roses
Posted by: Realist | 2012-04-17

Naaah ! Not a chance.XXX is right. The moment a guy hits/pushes/manhandles a woman it will always be a trait of his no matter what. Its there under the surface lurking like a cold germ, given the circumstances and it will erupt. Good for you that you got out of it...pity for his new partner.

Reply to Realist
Posted by: XXX | 2012-04-17

I certainly hope so,stopping drinking might help BUT I''m not convinced.
Personally I think it is in their nature and is unlikely to change.
Hopefully I''m wrong

Reply to XXX
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012-04-17

Its vanishingly unlikely. Maybe, if alcohol was a very large part of his previous anger and violence, and if he has totally and permanently stopped drinking alcohol ( its much easier for him to claIm to have done so than to actually do it ) it may be a bit less likely, but I wouldn't want my daughter or friend to take such a chance.

Reply to cybershrink

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