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Question
Posted by: GORGEOUS | 2010/11/15

CALLED NAMES AFTER A NITE OF FUN

HI, I AM STILL LIVING WITH MY MOM, AND I HAVE TWO BABIES(3 AND 1)THEIR FATHER WAS INVOLVED IN CAR ACCIDENT AND DIED. I HAVE MET THIS NEW GUY AND OVER THE WEEKEND WE WENT TO THE SOCCER WITH HIS FRIEND AND HIS GF. AFTER MATCH WE DECIDED TO GO FOR DRINKS. CALLED MOM TOLD HER THAT I AM SAFE AND WE STILL CHILLIN. IT HAPPENED THAT WE WERE SO FAR FROM HOME AND I GOT HOME AT 12H40AM. TRIED TO EXPLAIN TO HER, BUT WHAT SHE TOLD ME IS THAT I WENT CHASING AFTER MEN AT NITE AND THAT I WILL GET AIDS AND A 3RD CHILD, DIDNT WANT TO HEAR MY STROTY WHAT SO EVER, I HARDLY GO OUT, BECAUSE I HAVE TO LOOK AFTER MY BABIES(WHICH I DONT HAVE A PROBLEM DOING) BUT I JUST ENJOYED THE COMPANY AFTER SUNCH A LONG TIME AND RELAXED MY MIND. SHE STILL DOESNT TALK TO ME AND I FEEL SO CHEAP AND DIRTY, I HAVE DONE TNOTHING WRONG ....AND I HAVE TOLD HER I MET THIS NICE GUY WHOM I WOULD LIKE FOR HER TO MEET ONE DAY. SHE TOLD ME SHE DOES NOT EVER WANT TO HEAR OR SEE HIM!!! I AM SO DEPRESSED, I AM THINK OF FINDING MY OWN PLACE VERY SOON...PLEASE ADVISE ME

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Ouch. All those CAPITALS ! That counts as SHOUTING !
With 2 babies to look after, shouldn't you, perhaps, be more cautious about going out partying with people you don't really know well ? Wouldn't it be better for you to be aimed at improving your education, getting a good job, and being able to get your own place and look after your children ? There are other ways to relax, without leaving your mom to care for the children for longer than she expected to do.
Maybe you are indeed caring for yourself and your kids properly, but your mom is understandably concerned about you and the risks of starting close relationships with men you don't really know well yet.
I'm sure it seems awfully unfair to you, but having had 2 kids out of marriage and still being dependent on her and her home, maybe she hasn't had much experience of being convinced of how responsible, adult and competent you can be ?
The problem may be not that you disrespect and use your mom and sister, but that the way you do things makes them feel that way. Prove that this is not so, and discuss with them your concern about being so responsible towards your kids, but needing to plan some relaxation time for yourself, as well. Maybe make a few more just-friends, men and women, rather than climbing into a serious BOyfriend situation just yet ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: gorgeous | 2010/11/16

thank you for your response cybershrink, this new relationship has been going on for four months. i told my mom about it from the start and she was understanding and supportinve, which was rather weird, considering that she didnt even approve of the father of my kids. this is the second guy, my fiance was the first and we were planning to get married before his car accident. and also this was the first time this has happened(coming home late). I have a very stable job, and planning on furthering my career next year, she knows that very well. i believe i am a hard worker and my first priority is my children. i have had a communication problem with my mother, and each time i try and sit dowm with her and discuss my concerns, it always end up in a rather huge disagreement and all the swearing and name calling starts, up to the point when i suggested that maybe we should go for councelling, and she told me that i am the one who needs help and not her. i have never been able to sit down and share my feeling s and concerns with her, and when i do this she says i am desrespectful....should i speak to someone and ask that person to talk to her, because this is tearing me apart

Reply to gorgeous
Posted by: gorgeous | 2010/11/16

sorry for the caps lock!!! and thanks for all the advise
kate i totally understand....cause i was told i will get aids, and now it makes me feel not confident enough about the realtionship, cause if anything goes wrong in the relationship, i know where not to turn to for support, after hearing all this negativity, would you want to go back to her and tell her that your heart has been broken? you will simply get an i told you so answer. I honestly feel so depressed by all this and i know i am a very good mother, even today(tuesday) and she wont talk to me. she said i need to choose between my children and him, now honestly how do i make such a choice after a date, i mean my kids will always come first, i feel so torn apart, like ripping myself open.....my younger sister wont talk to me because she says, when i leave the kids with my mom, its the same as i left them with her.......so i am also beginning to wonder if the kids are the problem here or what is...i dont know where to turn to...

Reply to gorgeous
Posted by: huh ? | 2010/11/16

Why are you shouting ?

Reply to huh ?
Posted by: XXX | 2010/11/16

Your Mom is being totally over-protective.Living with a controlling parent is always going to be very difficult.
The answer is to move out but that might not be possible.Try and sit down with her and explain that you are ready to move on with your life again.
Good luck

Reply to XXX
Posted by: HUH | 2010/11/16

Move out...

Reply to HUH
Posted by: Kate | 2010/11/16

Mothers can be such bitches sometimes.
i totally understand, my mom is the same.
As soon as a guy is in the picture then you a bad person when you want to go out and have some fun.
I dont have kids though but its like when I have a bf the first thing that comes to her mind is that we having sex. I don''t know I guess its just the way they are. I just ignore her and accpet that its her mindset and its something I cannot change no matter how I try to explain. So I save my energy, as long as I know I''ve done nothing wrong.

Reply to Kate
Posted by: mel | 2010/11/16

I understand your moms concern and she is possibly just over reacting she just wants to protect you from the abuse that the world provides, show her you are responsible and that you can take care of your children and ask her to understand that you also have a life and need to just blow off steam onsce a year!!

Reply to mel
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/11/16

Ouch. All those CAPITALS ! That counts as SHOUTING !
With 2 babies to look after, shouldn't you, perhaps, be more cautious about going out partying with people you don't really know well ? Wouldn't it be better for you to be aimed at improving your education, getting a good job, and being able to get your own place and look after your children ? There are other ways to relax, without leaving your mom to care for the children for longer than she expected to do.
Maybe you are indeed caring for yourself and your kids properly, but your mom is understandably concerned about you and the risks of starting close relationships with men you don't really know well yet.
I'm sure it seems awfully unfair to you, but having had 2 kids out of marriage and still being dependent on her and her home, maybe she hasn't had much experience of being convinced of how responsible, adult and competent you can be ?
The problem may be not that you disrespect and use your mom and sister, but that the way you do things makes them feel that way. Prove that this is not so, and discuss with them your concern about being so responsible towards your kids, but needing to plan some relaxation time for yourself, as well. Maybe make a few more just-friends, men and women, rather than climbing into a serious BOyfriend situation just yet ?

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: bopdobopbop | 2010/11/15

please....please......no caps lock....please....

Reply to bopdobopbop

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