Posted by: ZzZ | 2009-03-11


I' ve given up.

About a month ago I tried to commit suicide - I drank 40+ Panados. After research this prove to be the most fatal pills to drink. Afterwards I came across conversations between the most important people in my life - discussing that I only wanted to get attention.

No one realised that I really want to die. No one realised how much time I spent looking for ways to die.

Last night I walked through relatively dangerous areas in the hope that someone will kill me.

Tonight I' ll be driving my car off a cliff. And I' ll take some matches and petrol with, in case I' m still alive after the fall. I' ve come to work this morning and will work like every other day. I left my cell phone and handbag with all identification at home. Before I leave today I will also take off my registration plates.

The ideal solution would have been a gun, but I don' t have access to any guns. I did consider an affair with a policeman and while he' s all passed out I could take his gun, but that' s going to take too much time.

I know a lot of people will get hurt by me dying, but later on they' ll see it was for the best.

I can' t live anymore.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

NOTHING is a reliable way to suicide, and every mkethod includes a high risk of surviving while seriously damaged. And there is also as you've noticed, the social risk that however sincere your attempt may have been, others will think it was attention-seeking or manipulative. And bcause a suicide ends all conversations, it means you don't get to explain yourself afterwards --- whatever people think is what will endure.
Why go to so much ingenious trouble to plan a suicide, without expending as much ingenuity and effort into clearing your Depression and m,oving on towards a happier tate o mind and way of life ? If so many people will be hurt if you die ( and that may well be the case ) --- what makes that "worth it " ? HOW do you "know" tht eventually people will see this fte as all to the best, yet you don't "know" the much more reliable fact that you could be feeling a great deal better, and thriving, if you worked with a suitable shrink and team, towards getting better ?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Blob | 2009-03-13

surely by now shes gone,let her sole rest in peace.

Reply to Blob
Posted by: Pissed Off | 2009-03-12

It gets better all the time. Trust and Obey. For there is no other way, but trust and obey in JESUS that is.

God Bless you and remember today is a new beginning. There is no future in the past.

Reply to Pissed Off
Posted by: DW | 2009-03-12

Mmm, today is the next day. I wonder if she did it?

Reply to DW
Posted by: Maria | 2009-03-11

A diary Of a black mad woman
The bottom line is I really care about you

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Worried | 2009-03-11

To : Maria

Wow, you sound like a very angry and bitter person. What happened in your life? Did someone close to you commit suicide and now you are trying reversed psychology? You are not a psychiatrist, so please if you do not have anything positive to say be quiet. And in future please use proper language some of us have morals and standards.

Zzz, we do care about you and PLEASE IGNORE MARIA. She has a big problem and it sounds as if she wants to make it yours. Actually, you should laugh at her because ACTUALLY SHE DOES CARE!! That is why she is trying to make you mad and angry so that at least you can feel some emotion. If she didn' t care she would not have written a reply on this site. I think she is a sad person with a big heart. Reconsider what you are about to do this afternoon. Think how your family will feel, if you do this you are lost for ever for everyone. Somewhere there is someone waiting for you to come and fulfil his/her life. You will rob someone of something very special. Be a winner and work through this don' t give up.

Hopefully we will read tomorrow that you did not go through with it because you realised there is a lot of things you still want to do and that you want to make a difference to someone' s life.

Just think about it.

Reply to Worried
Posted by: Sunshine | 2009-03-11

Sorry to hear that you want to end you life.
I was in the some position about nine months ago. Tried to do but failed. Looking back I realised that even when I felt that this was what I wanted to do then looking at it now I realise LIFE is so good why would I want to end this. There is so much that is going wrong in my life right now but you know what I dont care. It just feels good to be alive

Think of what you about to do and leave behind. A world of possibilities!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hope you change your mind and if you don' t:
GOD be with you

Reply to Sunshine
Posted by: ZzZ | 2009-03-11

We' re all mad Maria - some just let it show...

Reply to ZzZ
Posted by: Really | 2009-03-11

I love cat fights....that' s why I want to live as long as I can...maybe do some cosmetic surgery, you know, face lifts, boob jobs..... exercise everyday.. so I can live long enough to see what other people and things are up to.... maybe see 2010 world cup in SA... go to the USA.. experience Obama' s reigns....

oh but wait.. I have to find the money to fly there, survive my holiday and come back.... maybe if I just died 2moro then I won' t want to worry about such things... LIFE SUCKS...BUT ONLY IF YOU WANT IT TO.


Reply to Really
Posted by: Maria | 2009-03-11

Do you want us to feel sorry for you and beg you not to do it
Never I will give you what you want which is kill yourself I don' t give a f..uck and by the way if you wanted to do this you would have done it long before you even write on this coloumn
What are you still waiting for?
And for the records I am not the same Maria that other one is as mad as you are

Reply to Maria
Posted by: To you | 2009-03-11

Ok. Well I think I' m done with what I have to say.

I' m very sad on your behalf :-(

Reply to To you
Posted by: ZzZ | 2009-03-11

It doesn' t matter that I was nasty - I have at most 9 hours of my life left - I don' t feel like being friendly.

Reply to ZzZ
Posted by: To You | 2009-03-11

How do you know that this is the same Maria that posted about the son in law?? That was really nasty to say that.

I' m so sad that you' re doing this to yourself. It' s believable. I hardly ever reply to posts on this forum but here I am worried about someone that' s non-existant in my life if you know what I mean. I don' t know who you are and what your life is about but this is not the way.

Get it out in the open. What wrongs have you done in your life time?

Reply to To You
Posted by: ZzZ | 2009-03-11

To you
I' m leaving after work. Telling you the mountains name will ruin this. I don' t want to be " rescued"  and locked away. Today I' m free as a bird.

I' ve done many things wrong with my life - but at least I didn' t do my daughters boyfriend...

Reply to ZzZ
Posted by: Maria | 2009-03-11

Ok go and kill yourself we can' t stop you
hang yourself or do whatever and see who cares

Reply to Maria
Posted by: To you | 2009-03-11

Hi ZzZ

How are you doing now? Are you still around? When are you leaving for the long drive up the mountains? Which mountain pass are you going through? Don' t worry I' m not going to come follow you or anyything. I live far away. Trust me

Damn you have a nice little car, here I am a woman also in my 20' s stuck without a car. Anyway, nevermind the car issue. I' m just here to find out how you are doing now after all the responses you have had on here?

Reply to To you
Posted by: ZzZ | 2009-03-11

Koos - Atos

Reply to ZzZ
Posted by: koos | 2009-03-11

at least tell us what car you driving so that i can tell people that i read your final goodbuy on ht and maybe see the pictures in the newspaper if there will be any.

Reply to koos
Posted by: Bee | 2009-03-11

Go see you doctor, please. Anyhting can be sorted out! Absolutely anything!

Reply to Bee
Posted by: Mandi | 2009-03-11

Okay, so forget about the big things. What about the little things?
The smell of rain.
Sleeping late on a rainy day
The smell of fresh coffee
a child' s sticky fingers on your face
spending hours looking at an ant carrying a breadcrumb
that excitement when you kiss someone for the first time.
Painting your nails red
putting that special outfit which makes you strut your stuff
Freshly baked bread with lots of butter
blowing out birthday candles
Skinny dipping
laughing till your cheeks hurt
inside jokes
puppy breath
the smell of freshly washed clothes
noticing the first spring blossom
happy endings
Garfield cartoons
Achieving goals
Uncontrollable giggling in church or boardroom meeting

When you start to notice the little things, the big things aren' t so important anymore.

Reply to Mandi
Posted by: T | 2009-03-11

All I can say is this: It is not worth it...God doesn' t condone suicide.
I hope you change your mind. I myself have had suicidal thoughts, but I think I' m too chicken to do it. I am bipolar, facing financial ruin, 3 kids.
Please don' t do it!

Reply to T
Posted by: ZzZ | 2009-03-11

I' ll put the candles in candle holders not to start a fire.

You' d be amazed at how much planning goes into suicide. I can' t imagine someone waking up one morning and reaching for a gun or something and just kill themselves before thinking.

Did you know you can even die from drinking too much water? It washes out all the salts and minerals in your body.

Reply to ZzZ
Posted by: To you | 2009-03-11

You' re not going to do it. You' re wasting so much time putting in so much effort to something you could' ve done ages ago. You failed once trying to kill yourself. If anything what I' m reading sounds like it comes out of a novel or perhaps I read too much. Who cares. Point is I have never come across someone to plan this so well. You might just cause a veld fire with the candles.

Anyway. I can stop posting here but I' m a little concerned about you and so are the others who have replied to this post.

At least you have a car now it' s just going to get wrecked. Can I have your car then please. I' m kidding. I doubt I am close to where you live anyway.

Reply to To you
Posted by: D | 2009-03-11

see theres already positives you have a job and a car, some don' t even have that!
Love......well I say love yourself first, life is not solely dependent on love from another but rather on you!
Us women are strong and we can do with or without relationships with men or women!
The more depressed you are and negative you are the more you attract negativity, change your perspective and attitude towards life and you will see things will change slowly, as I said before be patient with yourself!

Things do happen for a reason and if you wait long enough and live your life everyday the reason will become clearer and will happen unexpectedly!

You will live, cos your future hasn' t even begun yet!

Reply to D
Posted by: To You | 2009-03-11

Right, so what is your final plan to end your life? How are you going to go about it.

Please post your e-mail if you don' t mind. Would like to chat??

Reply to To You
Posted by: anonymous | 2009-03-11

How can you people be so cruel? This isn' t a joke or someone seeking attention. She does not need all your cruel comments and stupid comments. You are not in her shoes.

Zzz, what I can tell you and what I believe will all my heart is THAT JESUS LOVES YOU! He put you on this earth for a reasons. He gave His life for you that is how much He loves you. Remember, Jesus knows your pain, He went through pain Himself, He also cried so He knows what you are going through. I have major depression and I also wanted to just die but thankfully Jesus was always there to help me. You must also remember that you are not allowed to take your own life, Jesus gave you that life so He is the only One who can take it away from you. You survived because He has great things in store for you. I know it doesn' t feel like it now but please believe me things will change. Start praying, talk to God in the same way that you talk to a friend. He is your friend and He wants you to come to Him and talk to Him. Cry and tell Him everything.

When I read your email I immediately prayed for you and I believe that Jesus will do something great for you today, please give Him a chance. Go home tonight and have a long conversation with Him. God loves you and when He looks down at you from heaven he smiles and thinks this is My child.


Reply to anonymous
Posted by: Really | 2009-03-11

Bye, bye bye...yepeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee youuuuuuuuuuuuuu when we get there?

Reply to Really
Posted by: ZzZ | 2009-03-11

Pissed OFF
I don' t blame you for looking at it that way. Unfortunately you have no idea of the situation I' m in. And yes I' ll be sure to do it properly this time.

To you
I' m 26. Posting here was to clear my thought. Why I haven' t done it yet and got it over with? I' m getting things in order. Work things, personal thing - make it easy for someone else to just step in and take over when I' m gone. I will also do it late tonight when there are very few people on the road.

I know life' s not perfect - believe me - I' ve always been the optimistic one. The one who fights for everything I believe in. I' ve made the best of every bad situation in my life. And through every bad situation in my life, I' ve constantly been busy trying to make other people' s lifes better.

In a year' s time I got married, I moved out cause he abused me, I got divorced, I fell in love, I lost love again. With all that I lost everything except my job and my car.

Reply to ZzZ
Posted by: D | 2009-03-11

Life is not perfect and full of roses, we hurt others and others hurt us, its how we handle the situation, I felt exactly how you did, and those that know me now know who I was and still are part of my life! Its called life experiences we go through it grooms us on a daily basis to become who we are suppose to be eventually! As the usual saying goes, life is a learning lesson.....I use to beg God to stop with the lessons already and I sill do up until today!

And when you in the wonderful black hole where theres nothing and no-one, how would you feel, cos you will still feel, your soul will...all alone, still things unresolved and still wondering what might have been..what brought you to where you are and if you believe in reincarnation, your soul will be reborn until you learn lifes lessons and you will experience it over and over again until you stop with the suicide thoughts and face life head on. And then again if you don' t believe in reincarnation, who says it doesn' t happen?

You still assuming, that they eventually will, unless you can read minds and psychic, theres no way that you can be able to tell or know!

Show others that you can be in control of your life and how strong you are to lift patient with yourself, and lower your expectations just a little to help motivate you along the way!

It is the easy way out no matter how you look at it, dont you want to be that person who no matter what happens in life they always come out fighting and never backs down!

After my suicide attempts I became the black sheep in the family of course, I became an emotional wreck, really bad, almost an alcoholic(for 6months straight) and a loner, were in really bad situations, bad relationship and so and so on, but i took control, found myself again, regained my independence and my laughter too!

You can live, don' t give up!

Reply to D
Posted by: To You | 2009-03-11

Why are you posting on here then if you want to get it over and done with? Indirectly you are asking for help.

What is your age if I may ask?

Reply to To You
Posted by: Pissed OFF | 2009-03-11

You are so pessimistic. If you really were not meant to be here any more your previous attempts would not have failed. Pls make sure you do it properly OK. and here is why I say this. Life is more than an occasion....... rise to it. Feeling sorry for yourself all the time is not going to get you out of the SHIT hole you think you are in. I mean really, there are millions of ppl that are worse off than you. Not to mention you have a home,cell phone car. Others have -|- ol. GET REAL and start appreciating what the good LORD has blessed you with and not what you dont have.

Reply to Pissed OFF
Posted by: ZzZ | 2009-03-11

The book looks good - unfortunately not time to go find it and read it.

People do not immediately see it' s for the best. I' m not assuming that they will - I know eventually they' ll realise.

I can' t read my posting over and give advise - to be quite honest, if someone comes to me now and tells me they want to die - I' ll give them all the tips on how to do it.

As for people who I' m suppose to meet in the future - they won' t know who or what I was - and it would be beneficial to them never to get to know me. I destroy lifes.

If you' re dead there' s no way for anyone to hurt you and you can' t hurt anyone. A wonderful black hole where there' s nothing and no one.

Reply to ZzZ
Posted by: To you | 2009-03-11

Please go read the book Veronika Decides to Die by Paulo Coelho.

Reply to To you
Posted by: D | 2009-03-11

Why would you want to do this, I tried twice and trust me I felt even more depressed cos I couldn' t get it right, cos I really wanted to die.....that was about 10 years ago and since then I have been through even worse things and I can' t see myself ever doing that again!

How do you know people will see its for the best, you are assuming?

Read your post over again, and think its someone else' s what advice would you give, how would you feel if one of those people that would get hurt would do the same as what you are considering?

Why would you deprive people that you are suppose to meet in the future...deprive them of you and what influences you will have in their lives?

You can live, every human being has the tools needed to live, you just gotta use yours!
Dont do it, you mean more to those than you think you do!

Reply to D

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