Posted by: Anon | 2013-02-14

Bully at work

I feel so depressed as I sit here I just feel like giving up and killing myself. I can''t anymore. Tired of fighting. I work for such a bully too. I am confused and now doubting myself. Today (twice a week) I get called in. Today there are " complaints"  about me being rude inside and outside. I said who? Not saying just telling you. I said if somebody comes to HR and makes an allegation like that I have a right to know. I said if someone does that they must face me directly or lay a Grievance. No they cannot be forced. I said you force me to attend these berating sessions all the time. I ended up crying and then I was told how HR cares about me! Also has anyone in the whole of SA ever had a response or found a job from Indeed Job Alert or any others? It is so demoralising to send in your good CV and you just never get a response. I feel like my self confidence is going. I feel as if I say anything, do anything, write an E-mail or anything it will be misconstrued in some way.

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Our expert says:
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As far as I know you're right that there are procedures to be followed and a proper grioevance process, and you're probably entitled to know who has complained about you ( otherwise its too easy for a grumpy boss to invent "complaints" ), but lets see - other regular readers here are far more familiar with the relevant laws and rules. Yes the complainer cant be forced to make the complaint publically, but if they dont the complaint should not be taken seriously except in special circumstances.
I'm not clear from your message whether you have an HR department or person who is helping - they should me

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Our users say:
Posted by: anon | 2013-02-18

Hi there

I have fitted this culture for 7 years very well before this person started. They are just a bully. Funny enough an independant mediator said to me " in confidence"  that they are a control freak and want total submission.
I have now reported the abuse and wait to see if I lose my job or if the bullying stops.
I am hedging on the first option but actually I cannot take this anymore it has been nearly a year. I am not that young although I look good (maybe thats an issue) I am in my 50''s but I look 35.
I have a good cv and years of working experience. I was told today that the person has it in for me - they can see it - this is from a colleague.

By the way Tim do you have any vacancies? I am looking.

Reply to anon
Posted by: Tim | 2013-02-18

Hello Anon,

I had a young lady working for me once that did not fit into the organisational culture and therefore people complained to me about her. Please see if you are in the same situation. If you are then just be cordial with everyone, do your work as per contract and start and leave work on time. And look for other jobs in companies that have values/culture that you will fit into. Read Pulling your own strings by Wayne Dyer, its a good book.

Reply to Tim
Posted by: Pixie | 2013-02-16

Its hard when HR is a bully! We have no HR dept - just our supervisor handles HR and he doesnt really know too much what he''s doing so who do you complain to???

If you have a manager then maybe you can discuss with them, yes, you do have a right to know who has laid a grievance about you and what you have " done wrong"  otherwise how can you correct it or tell your side of the story?

If you are worried about people misunderstanding the tone of your emails - NEVER send an email that you''ve typed when angry or emotional. Leave it in drafts for a few hours until you''ve calmed down. Or get someone you trust to read and check it for you before you send it. Don''t send emails with text in capitals as this is read as emotional or shouting. Be careful about pointing fingers in emails (eg " you did this or didnt do this)... people are unfortunately over sensitive and when communicating via email it is very easy for peopjle to misread the tone of your message. i know someone who is very honest and doesnt believe in treating people with kid gloves so he says what he thinks. Sometimes this gets him into hot water at work and he was told his department does not respect him - yet he is the hardest worker I know, honest as they come - there is no BS, what you see is what you get...but unfortunately people misunderstand his emails (he gets impatient with incompetence and of course those at fault never like to admit it or be called out on it so they try to point the finger back at you)

Good Luck

Reply to Pixie
Posted by: Purple | 2013-02-15

This is not being handled very well.

Ask for specific details on the complaint - where the incident took place, what you apparently did that was so upsetting etc.

You can''t defend yourself if you aren''t given the facts.

Then look at the situation and decide what to do from there.

You are quite right, if someone is not willing to put their complaint in writing as a grievance and in there state what they want done about it, its not a complaint to take seriously - and your manager should not be discussing it with you. Perhaps speak to the HR person, its quite likely that your manager hasn''t spoken to them at all, as this is not how a responsible HR person would advise handling this.

Reply to Purple
Posted by: Anon | 2013-02-15

HR is the bully.

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Anon | 2013-02-15

HR is the Bully and has total control.

Reply to Anon

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