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Question
Posted by: Nix | 2012/03/08

Brother was an addict

Hi

I dont know if Im in the right place, but my twin brother was a crack addict, and the anniversary of his death is coming up next week, and I just dont know how to deal with everyone feeling like they have any right to have an opinion of him! Ive got people telling me that he was selfish to kill himself (it wasn''t accidental), that he " could have stopped if he''d wanted to" ... I KNOW that he couldnt have stopped - he went to rehab 7 times, and he was no fool... How do I deal with these very uninformed people, who (Im sure in their own minds think they''re " helping"  me) are breaking my heart by speaking about my brother like that. They obviously dont know the first thing about addiction, but I dont have the energy to enlighten all of them. Tx

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageAddictions expert

Dear Nix,

Addiction is a disease, just like cancer and heart disease, and therefore should be treated as such. If your brother had died of cancer those people would not be speaking to you the way that they are.

Many people still view addiction as a moral weakness and this is merely because they are uninformed. Your loved ones may be trying to be supportive without realising that they are hurting you as well as the memory that you have of your twin brother.

I think that the best thing for you to do would be to set boundaries. When people start talking to you about your brother in a way that offends you tell them in an appropriate way that you are not comfortable with the discussion.

Focus on your on grief and healing and the beauty that can come from that.

All the best,
Karen

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Sonia | 2012/07/09

Start it off with a fact, such as did you know 30% of all americans don''t have heatlh care (but get the real percentage) and then start with what you already have, that way you have the readers attention and then you can focus on keeping it with your argument

Reply to Sonia
Posted by: addictions expert | 2012/03/12

Dear Nix,

Addiction is a disease, just like cancer and heart disease, and therefore should be treated as such. If your brother had died of cancer those people would not be speaking to you the way that they are.

Many people still view addiction as a moral weakness and this is merely because they are uninformed. Your loved ones may be trying to be supportive without realising that they are hurting you as well as the memory that you have of your twin brother.

I think that the best thing for you to do would be to set boundaries. When people start talking to you about your brother in a way that offends you tell them in an appropriate way that you are not comfortable with the discussion.

Focus on your on grief and healing and the beauty that can come from that.

All the best,
Karen

Reply to addictions expert
Posted by: Nix | 2012/03/09

Thanks B. Knowing I''ll see him again one day is the only thing that gives me comfort. xoxo

Reply to Nix
Posted by: B | 2012/03/09

Hey there, sorry about your brother, his life journey was a very difficut one filled with much suffering. Go to the ''experts'' section of health24 and post your situation on cybershrinks page, i think he''ll give you good advice. Good luck there! :)

Just remember, what others say doesn''t matter, what matters is your connection to your brother, because, believe me, you''ll see him again someday, don''t ever doubt that!

Reply to B

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