Posted by: Izzy | 2009-09-18

Brother on drugs

Hi,my brother takes drugs &  has lost his job because he' s unreliable &  keeps going awol. My mother supports his lifestyle by paying for everything even when he was working. She puts his kids through school, buys his groceries, clothes &  whatever they need (incl rent). This has been going on for 9 yrs. What is a good rehab to send him to &  what can my mom do to help constructively? She has to retire soon &  has spent all her savings.

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Our expert says:
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Your mother is helping him to remain a drug addict. She has rewarded his irresponsibility by making it unnecessary for him to be responsible. She should meet with one of the shrinks or social workers at wherever he has ben for rehab, and discuss what she can ( and what she shouldn't ) do. She needs to hear about Tough Love, and the perils of enabling. Otherwise, who is going to support his kids when he dies of an overdose ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Disabler | 2009-09-18

Your mom is an enabler.

as long as she supports him why must he work ?

and why is it your problem?

Because you will have to support her one day? then you tell her straight you will not if she continues.

Reply to Disabler
Posted by: Liza | 2009-09-18

Your mother must stop paying! If he knows that there is someone who will bail him out, he will not modify their behaviour. Why should he? He gets everything he wants anyway? And if he doesn' t modify his behaviour, rehab is simply not going to work. He has to WANT to change.

Throwing all her savings into a black hole like that was not a very smart idea, but parents can be terribly short-sighted where their children are concerned. The fact is that she will not get that money back.

If he does want to change, a rehab might work (no rehab has a 100% success rate). But it would definitely be a bad idea to pay for a ' fancy'  rehab. Also beware of ' fly-by-night'  rehabs that quote cheap prices with almost unbelievable ' success'  rates. If you call the Depression and Anxiety support group (number is at the top of the webpage), they will be able to give you a list of registered rehabs in your area.

Good Luck

Reply to Liza

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